If you’re old enough to remember this Facebook relationship status, you know that ambiguous relationships are nothing new. These days, people often refer to a type of undefined relationship as a “situationship.”
The term was even included in the Oxford Word of the Year 2023 shortlist, which features carefully curated slang words that “reflect the mood, ethos, or preoccupations of the past year.” A recent Tinder report also revealed an increase in the number of young people adding it to their dating bio.
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But what exactly does a “situationship” consist of and why are more people embracing the concept? Here’s what you need to know — and how to figure out whether this relationship dynamic is right for you at this point of your life.
What Is a Situationship?
It’s easier to define the “situationship” by looking at what it’s not. It’s not traditional. There are no labels. It’s not necessarily a purely physical hookup, but it also isn’t a committed partnership. “Unlike conventional relationships where there’s usually an agreement on commitment or exclusivity, a situationship is characterized by its uncertainty and lack of labels,” according to psychologist Dr. Catherine Nobile.
In other words, it’s a gray area. This doesn’t mean that there are no feelings involved. “The individuals involved enjoy spending time together and might share intimacy, ” adds Nobile. But they won’t necessarily discuss or agree on the future of their relationship. There might never be a DTR conversation. Because of the uncertainty and flexibility involved, a situationship can be a wonderful, mutually satisfying arrangement — or end in heartbreak and disappointment.
Common Reasons for Entering a Situationship
So, why would people put their heart on the line instead of seeking the comfort of clear boundaries and expectations? It turns out, there are a few reasons behind the rise of the “situationship.”
Exploring a Connection Without Pressure
According to the Tinder report mentioned above, young singles reported preferring “situationships” as a way to develop a relationship with less pressure. According to a Top10.com survey, 16% of men said that the benefit of “situationships” is the opportunity to explore their feelings.
Fear of Committing to the Wrong Person
On a similar note, some people also get into “situationships” out of fear of committing to the wrong person. One in five Gen Zers surveyed by Top10.com revealed that the risk of settling for the wrong person is their main reason for favoring situationships.
Financial Concerns
An Archrival survey revealed that for Gen Z, the choice to engage in undefined relationships may just be a pragmatic one. The cost of living is a real concern for young singles: 71% of Gen Zers can’t always afford to go out on dates, and a third of them even broke things off with someone because the relationship was getting too expensive.
Gen Z men were even more likely to feel nervous about dating and finances, with 63% of them reporting they’re not in a good enough financial position to get serious with someone. Not to mention the fact that 61% of respondents admitted that they don’t have a good place to be alone with romantic partners because they live at home or with roommates.
The Pros and Cons of Situationships
Now that you understand some of the most common motivators to enter the murky waters of the “situationship,” you may be considering one yourself. Take a look at the pros and cons of being in one to make an informed decision.
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“One significant advantage is the freedom [‘a situationship] provides, allowing people to enjoy a connection without the demands of a committed relationship,” says Nobile. This can be particularly appealing if you are focused on personal or professional goals and aren’t ready for the demands of a committed relationship.
“Situationships also offer a way to explore emotional and physical intimacy at a pace that suits both people, without rushing to define the relationship. They can act as a stress-free way to learn more about someone, giving the relationship time to develop organically without the pressure of labeling it too soon,” adds Nobile.
Plus, if you aren’t in a rush to find a life partner, a situationship can also be a great way to enjoy companionship and sexual experiences, says Dara Rahill, founder of Dara Rae Matchmaking.
That said, all these advantages are only advantages if all people involved are on the same page. As Rahill puts it, in reality, “situationships are rarely this clean cut and someone typically ends up being hurt.”
How to Successfully Navigate Situationships
If you want to give a “situationship” a show, make sure that both you and the person involved aren’t looking for anything serious. Don’t get into a fluid relationship hoping that it will become a traditional, committed one. Also, keep checking in with yourself and your “situationship” partner along the way — feelings can change.
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“Embrace it as a fun and temporary pit-stop in your romantic life. As the situationship carries on, ask yourself if it’s helping you or hurting you. Are you enjoying this dynamic or is it holding you back from something more meaningful? As long as you both feel it is meeting your needs, keep enjoying it. Once you’re ready for something more, it’s time to part ways,” says Rahill.
Ending something that never truly took off can be tricky, but it’s also part of what makes a “situationship” successful if you manage to do it without hard feelings.
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