It might be a specific hookup you have in mind, whether that’s a celebrity crush, someone you know, or an ex. It could even be a whole bunch of people at once. It could also not be about the who, but instead, the how. Doing something exciting and kinky, especially if you think you might get caught, could really turn you on.
While these fantasies are probably well mapped out in your mind, you may have discussed your fantasies with male friends. For instance, if you watch porn, you’ve probably seen certain scenarios play themselves out many times over.
If so, between your own fantasies, your friends’, and the ones represented over and over in pornography, you probably have a pretty good idea of what guys fantasize about.
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But have you ever wondered about what steamy scenarios and naughty things women fantasize about? What goes through women’s minds when they’re masturbating, dreaming about something sexy that they wish would happen to them in real life?
The awesome thing about fantasies is that since they’re not at all limited by logistics or inhibitions, pretty much anything goes. Female fantasies can really run the gamut from vanilla sex to hardcore fetishes — and we’re not just talking your typical male stripper scenario here, either.
So which sex fantasies make the top 10 list for women? We asked a few real women to dish on their favorite sexual scenarios to imagine, and lucky for you, they spared no detail.
To get down to the reason behind these fantasies, we asked a few professional sex experts for their educated take on what’s so sexy about these scenarios, as well as why they rank so highly.
1. Being a Swinger
This one may come as a shock to you, but Reba Corrine, sex expert and wellness consultant, says there’s no cause for alarm if this is your lady’s sex fantasy of choice.
“It’s normal to fantasize about having the freedom to swap partners,” says Corrine. “This type of sexual freedom is not commonplace publicly, but is commonly fantasized about. Women are often told it is taboo to have more than one sexual partner — and the swinger lifestyle removes societal restrictions.”
Sex therapist Kat Van Kirk echoes this, adding that it can be a turn-on to see your partner being wanted by someone else.
“Watching their partner with other people can be a turn on because of the change in boundaries with one another, and the variety of sexual experiences available,” she says.
That being said, it’s important to understand that not every woman who fantasizes about being a swinger actually wants to act it out. Sometimes, fantasies are really just that.
“I’m unsure whether or not I would ever actually go through with it,” says Amber, 31. “My husband and I have been married for two years, and have been together for almost 10 in total, so it’s starting to feel like we’ve done it all — not in a bad way, but more of a, ‘It’d be hot to try something completely different that we’ve never done before.’ I remember watching an episode of The O.C. where two of the married characters went to a swingers party, which also plays a part in the fantasy I have because their dynamic on the show was sort of silly throughout that episode and that’s how my husband and I are. Anyway, in my fantasy, my husband tells me to get dressed up and says that he’s taking me out, but won’t tell me where we’re going. We drive and pull up at a house I’ve never seen before, and there are a bunch of other couples there that are all good looking, but none that I recognize. My husband walks in and casually drops his watch into a jar on the coffee table (the same way it happened in The O.C.). Except we don’t chicken out. Throughout my fantasy I have different men approach me — one even tries to cheat the system by getting me alone in the pantry of the house, running his hand over my nipples in the sheer dress I have on, and then up my dress to finger me. Eventually, the watches get chosen, and the one I choose belongs to the man who cornered me in the pantry. Not sure where my husband is at this point in my fantasy, honestly! But eventually, I reconnect with him and he tells me that the girl he was paired with was so awful he didn’t get off — so of course, I go for round two.”
In today’s online dating culture, no matter what your preference, kink, or type, there’s a dating app out there for you. And yes, that includes people who are looking to swing. If you and your partner have been thinking about trading off for a night of hot sexual passion with another couple, there are lots of online options out there for you.
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2. Domination Sex
Even if your partner has no trouble taking the reins when the two of you are going at it, Corrine notes that domination sex takes the desire for control a step further.
“In a world where women are not empowered to be dominant, the reason behind the popular dominatrix fantasy is easy to understand,” she says. “Women are able to be assertive, confident and dominant during domination sex and are, in fact, empowered to do so.”
Van Kirk adds that this fantasy could also be tied to issues with how she views herself: “Whether she is the dominant or the submissive, this may help her work out her own self-esteem issues and empower her to be in control by either controlling the power from the sub position or exerting it overtly through the action of being the dominant.”
“I don’t have any issue with taking charge in bed,” says Jaclyn, 29. “But what I fantasize about most often is being able to have the kind of sex where I’m in total control because the guy I’m doing it with is totally helpless. In my fantasy, I’ve got him tied down to a chair with his hands behind his back. I’m wearing knee-high leather boots, leather shorts with a zip-off crotch, and not much else. I strip down in front of him really slowly, and watch him get hard. I start doing things to purposely turn him on but without touching him (playing with my boobs, etc.). Then, I take out my whip, and start asking him if he likes it rough. When he says yes the first time, I smack his chest with it and tell him to say it louder. That goes on for a little while, and eventually I get on top of him — but will pull away or push his mouth off me just as we start to get into it. He keeps begging to be inside me … so I shut him up with a ball gag. When I finally do let him have it, he finishes so hard that it leaves him almost whimpering after it’s over.”
3. Role Playing
Role-playing fantasies might mean your lady is looking for something fresh to add to your sex routine. As far as satisfying that need goes, Van Kirk says that daydreaming these scenarios can help take that edge off.
“Craving variety doesn’t mean you have to go outside of the relationship,” she explains. “Role-playing can allow both she and her partner to relate to one another in a different way whether in her head or reality.”
If she’s looking to change things up without adding a new partner into the mix, Corrine believes role-playing is ideal for doing just that.
“Role-playing is the easiest way to spice up a vanilla sex life,” she says. “I always tell my couple clients looking to add more passion to their lovemaking to consider role-play as an option. When we assume roles in the bedroom, we are given the freedom to release our inhibitions through the portrayal of this role/character.”
What kind of roles, you ask? It can be anything as straightforward as meeting as strangers for the first time, to role-play involving characters from TV or pop culture.
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4. Sex With a Stranger
Sexual promiscuity is one of those things that society still treats as a double standard. If a guy gets laid after meeting a stranger at the bar, he’s rewarded with back slaps and fist pumps. If a woman does the same thing, there’s more likely to be raised eyebrows and silent, judging stares.
Van Kirk says this is at the root of why this fantasy is so popular for women to have.
“This is a common fantasy among women, especially with all the sex shaming we’ve become accustomed to,” she notes. “To be able to have stranger sex is something we haven’t given ourselves permission to do. The idea can be intoxicating and feel a little dangerous.”
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That goes without mentioning the fact that having sex with someone you only just met is a pretty thrilling, passionate scenario.
“This fantasy fulfills the universal desire for passion and excitement,” says Corrine. “Fantasizing about sex with a stranger is novel, risky, creative and low pressure, as there are no strings attached.
“Oftentimes you fantasize about the dance that precedes the sex itself,” she notes. “How do they look at you? How do they approach you? What words and tone do they use? Do they ply you with compliments? Do you find yourself acting out of character since they don’t know anything about you? Each of these elements makes this fantasy hot and very common.”
“It’s always some guy on the subway,” says Amanda, 26. “I mean, what else am I going to do during a 45-minute commute besides make up sex fantasies about every hot guy I make eye contact with, right? As far as the fantasies that I have go, they all depend on what the guy looks like and the story I imagine about him in my head. There’s this one guy who looks like he’s a professor because I always see him grading papers with really tough-looking math equations on them. Also, usually the stuff they’re carrying ends up making it into my fantasy too. Like, for the teacher fantasy, I sit next to him and make a comment about the hard papers that he’s grading. He whispers in my ear, ‘It’s so hard,’ and discreetly guides my hand over to his rock-hard dick, which I start to rub. We get off at the next stop where, obviously, his university is conveniently located at. He takes me into the empty classroom and takes me there — and the papers he had been grading on the subway end up all over the place underneath us.”
5. A Threesome With Another Woman
Not every woman has a threesome fantasy, but for the ones who do, the type of threesome they fantasize about can say a lot about them.
Of course, adding a whole new person to any pair in bed can be hard to pull off smoothly. Some women are more into the idea of another woman joining, since it means less focus on them, and more focus on the male partner.
“Depending on how they are oriented, some women prefer [MFF] because it allows her to share dominance with another that feels safe,” says Van Kirk. “Also, she may be more attracted to having another female to ‘play’ with versus a male.”
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Sometimes (but not always), a threesome fantasy involving another woman as the guest star can mean that there’s some bi-curiosity your lady is interested in exploring — but wants you there with her for the experience.
“Many of my bi-curious clients have this fantasy,” says Corrine, “and have stated the reason as they’d like to explore their sexuality with their male partner or with a partner that they are already familiar with.”
“There’s this gorgeous woman who teaches class at the boxing gym that my boyfriend and I work out at on the weekends,” says Cassie, 22. “Her body is slamming, total fit body goals. I’ve never had any kind of sexual encounter with a woman before, but in my fantasy I imagine her approaching me after class in the locker room after everyone else has left — except for my boyfriend, who’s waiting outside. She brushes against me, ‘accidentally,’ and then tells me how good I did in class, and that I worked really hard today. She starts massaging my shoulders as a reward for my hard work. Then her hands move down my thighs, and finally she slips her hands down my yoga pants and starts gently massaging my clit. It feels so good that I cry out — and my boyfriend runs into the locker room to make sure that I’m OK. He sees what’s going on, and approaches both of us. He does me from behind while the instructor is still in front of me caressing every part of my body. When it’s over it isn’t weird at all. She gets her stuff together, smiles at us on her way out and says, ‘Same time next week?’”
6. A Threesome With Two Men
Women who daydream about the devil’s threesome version of this fantasy are often craving some extra attention.
Many women “enjoy being the sole focus of sex,” says Van Kirk. “It can help them feel goddess-like, that two men are fawning over them.”
If you’ve ever fantasized about having two women take care of you at the same time, you can’t really blame them. A threesome with two men also gives her the chance to sample certain pleasures that are trickier in an MFF threesome scenario — namely, double penetration, whether that means oral and vaginal, vaginal and anal, anal and oral, or some combination thereof.
“Often women who seek double penetration fantasize about the MMF threesome and are excited at the thought of having the full attention of two males to fulfill their wildest desires,” says Corrine.
Of course, this could be achieved in the MFF version using sex toys, but women who fantasize about this type of threesome are likely craving the real thing.
“I have two platonic, very good-looking male friends that I met through a mutual friend when they both relocated to my town for work,” says Erin, 25. “The two of them are best friends and are a blast to hang out with, but we’ve never taken things to the next level. But in my threesome fantasy, obviously, we go all the way. Together. We’re out at the bar we typically meet up at, and as we start drinking, they both start standing closer to me than they usually do, slowly closing in until they’re both practically touching me. Both of them start hitting on me in a way that’s competitive but not weird, more like in a fun, sexy way where they’re letting me know they both want me. So I tell them that they don’t have to fight over me, and say we should take things back to my place. Once we get there, it’s almost like I don’t have to do anything at all. They both tag team the effort, get my clothes off, and take turns going down on me while the other takes their time running their tongue over my nipples and touching me everywhere else. The bigger one penetrates me while the other does it from behind, and it’s the most incredible visual. One of these days I’m going to make a move on those two — I think they’d be into it.”
7. Voyeurism
With the rise of social media, voyeurism of a non-sexual sort is pretty much par for the course these days. We all keep track of our friends’ lives (and sometimes, the lives of strangers and celebrities), and voyeuristic fantasies take that urge to snoop to another level. What if you could see a couple having sex in real time?
“Watching others have sex is a way to live vicariously and mentally by inserting ourselves into the drama,” says Van Kirk.
So what does fantasizing about watching other people have sex say about the woman who chooses this imagined scenario as her go-to?
“Clients who fantasize about voyeurism describe it as ‘pornos in real life’ and oftentimes these clients are most aroused by climax (both for others and themselves),” says Corrine.
Of course, catching strangers in the act without being noticed isn’t easy. There are blinds and windows to obscure views, and most couples tend to go the extra mile to make sure their lovemaking stays under the radar when they’re going at it. But the rare glimpse into another person’s sex life also adds to the hype of this fantasy.
“I have this sort of double voyeurism sex fantasy that I get off to ever since I moved from the suburbs to the city,” says Andrea, 23. “The window across from mine looks directly into a guy’s bedroom. I’ve only seen him a few times, and shortly after I moved in, he got blinds and so did I in order to avoid the awkward scenarios I can imagine would happen when you have a direct line of view into someone else’s apartment. But sometimes, I wish that we both would have held off on putting up those blinds. When I fantasize about him, I’m looking out my window, and I can see him jerking off to porn across the way. His window is wide open, and when I open mine I can hear him grunting, breathing heavily and getting close to finishing. Which turns me on and takes me by surprise at the same time. I gasp and he looks over and sees me — but instead of being embarrassed, he smiles and comes over to the window, completely naked and still hard. I take my top off, and he watches and starts to jerk off again. He motions for me to turn around, so I take my bottoms off and show him my rear view. At this point, I’m horny and wet, so I start rubbing myself off — which pushes him over the edge. I keep watching even after it’s over, long enough to see how he cleans up afterward.”
8. Exhibitionism
The flip side of voyeurism is exhibitionism.
Rather than the person watching, you’re one of the people being watched. But Jess O’Reilly, sex expert for Astroglide, says these feelings go deeper than just wanting to have all eyes on you.
“[Exhibition fantasies] correlate to the desire to feel sexy, garner attention, be admired, feel appreciated and be objectified,” she says. “It’s the desire to indulge in the taboo element of sharing publicly that which has been rendered overwhelmingly private; for some this may facilitate the shedding of shameful messages associated with sex. Also, an association with power; as you embrace your sexuality for others to see, you may experience feelings of empowerment and control.”
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Van Kirk agrees, adding that fantasies involving public nudity often come from a place of wanting to feel powerful: “Women want to feel empowered and appreciated in their bodies. Exhibiting themselves either nude or having sex with their partner may help them feel that.”
While public sex is a good example of that, exhibitionist fantasies can cover all sorts of scenarios, such as flashing, being exposed in a public area, or sex in a place where you might easily get caught. For some women, these are nightmare situations, but for others, they’re sources of serious sexual arousal.
“I travel for work often, which means I find myself alone in hotel rooms most nights of the month,” says Nakita, 29. “Standing in the floor-to-ceiling windows of these hotel rooms completely naked makes me feel sexy and powerful — but it’s also a safe move for the most part, because no one can see me so many stories up. But in my exhibition fantasy, my hotel room is on the ground level of an easily accessible street. I stand like I normally do, totally naked and exposed, and I have admirers come by. Some of them put their hands up to the glass, others stare for so long that they end up tripping, or dropping coffee. One man comes up to the window and tells me through the glass that I’m beautiful. Another traces my body with his finger on the glass, fogging up where he’s heavily breathing on it. I also fantasize about flashing someone, which then leads to us having sex in public. Overdone, I know. But I come across so many good looking businessmen while traveling to all of these client meetings that I can’t help but weave them into my fantasies. A lot of my fantasies involve public transportation. For example, being stranded at an airport seated across from a handsome stranger, with nothing to do while we wait out the weather delay except to lock eyes, tease each other, and eventually seal the deal.”
9. Sex With a Younger Man
If you’re a younger guy who’s super turned on by the thought of hooking up with an older woman, good news! Lots of them are fantasizing about the exact same thing.
“In one capacity, it can affirm her attractiveness and in another, it allows her to have more power in the relationship as she calls the shots,” says Van Kirk. “Other women like the role of taking a younger man and molding him sexually.”
A lot of the time, men take (or are expected to take) the lead in bed. If a woman has a secret fantasy of being the one in charge, getting it on with a less experienced guy could be just what she’s looking for.
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Not to mention, youth has its advantages when it comes to doing the deed.
“Simply put, younger men are able to go longer and stronger,” says Corrine. “Women who fantasize about sex with younger men may desire a partner who has greater stamina, strength and/or agility in bed.”
“There’s a 21-year-old that works at my tanning salon,” says Kayla, 29. “He’s way too young for me to ever actually consider dating, but we low-grade flirt every time that I come in. Like, he’ll make a joke about being jealous of the spray tan technician who gets to apply my spray tan (because she gets to see me naked). He’s also always telling me about the girls he dates — how they give terrible blowjobs and don’t know what they’re doing in bed, or just lay there and never do any of the work. Which, I can only assume is him hinting at the fact that I obviously have more life experience in those departments. In my fantasy (that I have while laying in the tanning booth, obviously), I offer to show him what a proper blowjob should feel like. I watch him react and clearly it’s the best one he’s ever had, because he finishes within minutes. But it doesn’t stop there. He returns the favor, going down on me for what feels like forever. Then, he tries to take control and get on top of me but I won’t let him. I ride him slow and deep, and when I finally get tired, he takes over the effort. But I can hardly ever look him in the eye when I leave the salon IRL after thinking about it.”
10. Sex With Another Woman
Like gender, sexuality is a spectrum, not a binary. Most people are closer to being in the middle than they might realize, even if they think they’re straight, or pretend to be simply because it’s easier.
That makes the idea of hooking up with another woman a tantalizing one for many straight women. In particular, the idea of getting it on with a lesbian — a woman who’s seriously turned on by her and knows how to pleasure her better than a man — pretty hot.
Lesbians have the advantage of knowing how the female body works, for one, and it’s an edge that O’Reilly says straight women can’t help but fantasize about.
“Lesbian sex is a fantasy among women because lesbians are more skilled and knowledgeable about how to provide pleasure through cunnilingus,” explains O’Reilly. “Many men do not fully understand how the vagina works — the difference between clitoral vs. G-spot stimulation and how all of these sensations work together during intercourse. Lesbians will often be more informed and well-versed in the art of cunnilingus and sex that is different from the traditional heterosexual intercourse.”
Corrine says that the focus lesbians place on pleasure without rushing to the end goal is also another big factor for why this fantasy tops the list.
“I believe most women are curious about what it’s like to have someone who really knows the topography of the female body, takes her time, and focuses on pleasure versus just ejaculating,” she says. “Some are attracted to the softness of lesbian sex.”
“One of my co-workers is a lesbian, and I always share my sex horror stories with her,” says Camie, 25. “She loves hearing about the guys who don’t understand how to touch a clit the right way, the ones that dig way too deep for your G-spot or assault your vagina with their tongue, and her favorite, the ones that are only worried about getting themselves off (and pass out immediately after they do). She has told me countless times how good she is at getting women off, and that she feels bad for straight women who have to deal with men that don’t know what they’re doing, and the whole process of educating them on what feels good for you. Honestly, I don’t orgasm easily, so I tell her that I do cut the guys I date a bit of slack — usually it takes me a while to get comfortable with someone before I can orgasm in front of them. But she always calls B.S. when I say that. So obviously, the lesbian fantasy I have is about her. Whenever I’m going through an extended period of time where I haven’t had any sex (or any good sex), I think about what it would be like to take her up on the offer of experiencing her skills. I have my own office and inevitably, whenever I’m procrastinating on getting something done at work, my mind wanders to sex. In the fantasy I have about her, I’m sitting at my desk and touching myself. She comes in to ask me a question and sees what I’m doing. She asks me, ‘It’s that bad, huh?’ in reference to whatever guy I had slept with (or not) that week. Then she puts her hands down my pants, and I’m immediately wet. She knows where to touch, how hard to press, the right rhythm to keep at in order to bring me to where I need to be.”
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