So: You kinda maybe sort of screwed up Valentine’s Day.
Maybe you procrastinated on making a restaurant reservation and now you can’t get a table anywhere. Or, maybe you failed to notice that the gift you ordered — at the last minute, mind you — will be arriving a week too late. Maybe you just totally blanked that February 14th was a holiday entirely.
Either way, you messed up Valentine’s Day and now you’re hoping to fix it. Keep in mind that your partner may feel hurt, let down, or downright angry — and they’re entitled to those feelings. But the good news is, the damage definitely isn’t irreparable.
RELATED: What She Really Wants for Valentine’s Day
After all, while V-Day carries symbolic weight, it’s only one day of the year.
“Love is built on consistency, trust, and emotional connection over time,” explains Katrina Gelazius, a licensed professional counselor and owner of the Feel Good Counseling Center. “A single disappointment won’t define a healthy relationship, but how you handle it can determine whether the issue lingers — or becomes a minor bump in your history.”
As Scott Valdez, founder and CEO of matchmaking service VIDA Select, puts it: Valentine’s Day disasters aren’t actually relationship killers — they’re character reveals.
“Women aren’t looking for perfection; they’re watching how you handle imperfection,” he explains. “Skip the panic purchases and guilt gifts. Show her something more valuable: a man who owns his mistakes and fixes them with purpose. That’s how you turn a fumble into a comeback story.”
RELATED: Here’s How to Recover From a Bad Fight With Your Partner
Ready to make things right? Here are the steps experts advise taking to make up for your V-day blunders.
1. Start With a Heartfelt Apology
Don’t underestimate the power of saying, “I’m so sorry,” says Valdez. These simple words show your partner that their feelings matter more than your ego.
“A genuine ‘I messed up’ carries more weight than a dozen roses and excuses,” he tells AskMen.
RELATED: How to Apologize Like a Man
The key is to keep it simple here — no ifs or buts, as in “I’m sorry if you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry, but you know I’m broke right now.”
Gelazius recommends being specific in your apology — in other words, acknowledging exactly what you feel remorse about.
Matthew Walters, a dating coach and expert at Creating Love on Purpose, also suggests clearly stating how you wish you behaved instead so your partner knows you’re prepared to avoid disappointing them in the future. For example, you might say: “If I had to do it all over again, I would have called your favorite restaurant weeks ago to make sure we had a special night planned.”
If it feels easier to be open in writing, you can also try apologizing through a heartfelt note, says Melissa Legere, a licensed marriage and family therapist and cofounder/COO at California Behavioral Health.
“Be patient with your partner,” adds Walters. “They may not calm down right away or be open to your apology. Stand in your integrity and let them know that you’re sincere.”
2. Listen (& Don’t Get Defensive)
Once you’ve offered a sincere apology, it’s time to let your partner share their experience.
“Before planning anything, sit down and ask: ‘How did this make you feel?’” suggests Valdez.
“Then actually listen. No defending, no interrupting — just making an effort to understand her perspective. You can’t fix what you don’t understand.”
According to Christine DeVore, a licensed clinical psychologist at Birch Psychology, validating statements like, “I totally understand why that would upset you,” or “That makes sense, I can imagine that was really hurtful,” can go a long way in making your partner feel heard.
Whatever you do, don’t start justifying your actions.
According to Gelazius, responding by getting defensive (“You know I’ve been busy and stressed at work, when was I supposed to have time to plan something?”), or invalidating and minimizing their feelings (“It’s really not a big deal!”) will almost certainly just throw salt in the wound.
RELATED: AskMen’s Picks: The Best Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Her
3. Consider Some Small, Thoughtful Gestures
While your first instinct may be to go out and buy something expensive for your partner to make up for your mishap, Gelazius cautions that this move can come across as a thoughtless attempt at a quick fix.
“Trying to buy your way out of the mistake with extravagant gifts can feel like guilt-driven damage control rather than an expression of love,” she explains.
Instead, DeVore suggests putting time and thought into a more personalized gift, like a digital photo frame filled with snapshots of your favorite memories together.
According to Valdez, even the smallest gestures like showing up with their favorite coffee drink before work can make them feel cared for.
Dr. Michael Kane, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer at Indiana Center for Recovery, advises taking your partner’s love language into account, too.
For example, if your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, Walter suggests writing them a love note every day for a month. Or, if they value quality time, plan a whole day of fun bonding activities — from brunch in bed all the way up to dinner out at a new restaurant you’ve both been dying to try.
RELATED: How to Write the Perfect Love Letter for That Special Someone
If their love language is acts of service, Legere recommends helping them with their chores or errands — or taking care of something that’s been on their to-do list for a while, such as getting an oil change or hanging some artwork on the wall.
“It might seem small, but showing you’re willing to take the load off can really make a difference,” Legere adds. “It’s a simple way to show that you’re thinking of their needs and making up for the missed opportunity to show them you care on Valentine’s Day.”
RELATED: Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Every Love Language
4. Plan a Do-Over Gift or Date
Whether you and your partner didn’t get to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all, or your celebration was downright catastrophic, it’s worth trying to plan a re-do. But first, you’ll want to think about what makes your partner truly happy.
“Spend time with your partner doing something they enjoy,” says DeVore. “Focus on rebuilding the emotional connection and showing them they’re a priority.”
For example, Valdez notes that booking a table at that sushi restaurant where you first met, taking them to that new bar they keep talking about or snagging tickets to see a band they like, shows that you pay attention to their interests and passions.
RELATED: Unique Valentine’s Day Gifts
“Thoughtfulness beats price tag every time,” he adds.
5. Come Up With an Action Plan for Next Time
Even after you’ve planned something amazing to show your partner just how much you value them, you still have one more step to check off — and that involves some futureproofing.
“Don’t let it happen again,” says Gelazius. “Mark your calendar for the next February 14th.”
If it’s helpful, you may even want to set a reminder or alert for 2-4 weeks before Valentine’s Day — that way, you have a heads-up to start ordering a gift or making a dinner reservation in advance.
You Might Also Dig:
Unique Valentine’s Day Gifts 2025Last-Minute Valentine’s Day Gifts for HerBest Experience Gifts for Valentine’s Day
Maybe you procrastinated on making a restaurant reservation and now you can’t get a table anywhere. Or, maybe you failed to notice that the gift you ordered — at the last minute, mind you — will be arriving a week too late. Maybe you just totally blanked that February 14th was a holiday entirely.
Either way, you messed up Valentine’s Day and now you’re hoping to fix it. Keep in mind that your partner may feel hurt, let down, or downright angry — and they’re entitled to those feelings. But the good news is, the damage definitely isn’t irreparable.
RELATED: What She Really Wants for Valentine’s Day
After all, while V-Day carries symbolic weight, it’s only one day of the year.
“Love is built on consistency, trust, and emotional connection over time,” explains Katrina Gelazius, a licensed professional counselor and owner of the Feel Good Counseling Center. “A single disappointment won’t define a healthy relationship, but how you handle it can determine whether the issue lingers — or becomes a minor bump in your history.”
As Scott Valdez, founder and CEO of matchmaking service VIDA Select, puts it: Valentine’s Day disasters aren’t actually relationship killers — they’re character reveals.
“Women aren’t looking for perfection; they’re watching how you handle imperfection,” he explains. “Skip the panic purchases and guilt gifts. Show her something more valuable: a man who owns his mistakes and fixes them with purpose. That’s how you turn a fumble into a comeback story.”
RELATED: Here’s How to Recover From a Bad Fight With Your Partner
Ready to make things right? Here are the steps experts advise taking to make up for your V-day blunders.
1. Start With a Heartfelt Apology
Don’t underestimate the power of saying, “I’m so sorry,” says Valdez. These simple words show your partner that their feelings matter more than your ego.
“A genuine ‘I messed up’ carries more weight than a dozen roses and excuses,” he tells AskMen.
RELATED: How to Apologize Like a Man
The key is to keep it simple here — no ifs or buts, as in “I’m sorry if you feel that way,” or “I’m sorry, but you know I’m broke right now.”
Gelazius recommends being specific in your apology — in other words, acknowledging exactly what you feel remorse about.
Matthew Walters, a dating coach and expert at Creating Love on Purpose, also suggests clearly stating how you wish you behaved instead so your partner knows you’re prepared to avoid disappointing them in the future. For example, you might say: “If I had to do it all over again, I would have called your favorite restaurant weeks ago to make sure we had a special night planned.”
If it feels easier to be open in writing, you can also try apologizing through a heartfelt note, says Melissa Legere, a licensed marriage and family therapist and cofounder/COO at California Behavioral Health.
“Be patient with your partner,” adds Walters. “They may not calm down right away or be open to your apology. Stand in your integrity and let them know that you’re sincere.”
2. Listen (& Don’t Get Defensive)
Once you’ve offered a sincere apology, it’s time to let your partner share their experience.
“Before planning anything, sit down and ask: ‘How did this make you feel?’” suggests Valdez.
“Then actually listen. No defending, no interrupting — just making an effort to understand her perspective. You can’t fix what you don’t understand.”
According to Christine DeVore, a licensed clinical psychologist at Birch Psychology, validating statements like, “I totally understand why that would upset you,” or “That makes sense, I can imagine that was really hurtful,” can go a long way in making your partner feel heard.
Whatever you do, don’t start justifying your actions.
According to Gelazius, responding by getting defensive (“You know I’ve been busy and stressed at work, when was I supposed to have time to plan something?”), or invalidating and minimizing their feelings (“It’s really not a big deal!”) will almost certainly just throw salt in the wound.
RELATED: AskMen’s Picks: The Best Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Her
3. Consider Some Small, Thoughtful Gestures
While your first instinct may be to go out and buy something expensive for your partner to make up for your mishap, Gelazius cautions that this move can come across as a thoughtless attempt at a quick fix.
“Trying to buy your way out of the mistake with extravagant gifts can feel like guilt-driven damage control rather than an expression of love,” she explains.
Instead, DeVore suggests putting time and thought into a more personalized gift, like a digital photo frame filled with snapshots of your favorite memories together.
According to Valdez, even the smallest gestures like showing up with their favorite coffee drink before work can make them feel cared for.
Dr. Michael Kane, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer at Indiana Center for Recovery, advises taking your partner’s love language into account, too.
For example, if your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, Walter suggests writing them a love note every day for a month. Or, if they value quality time, plan a whole day of fun bonding activities — from brunch in bed all the way up to dinner out at a new restaurant you’ve both been dying to try.
RELATED: How to Write the Perfect Love Letter for That Special Someone
If their love language is acts of service, Legere recommends helping them with their chores or errands — or taking care of something that’s been on their to-do list for a while, such as getting an oil change or hanging some artwork on the wall.
“It might seem small, but showing you’re willing to take the load off can really make a difference,” Legere adds. “It’s a simple way to show that you’re thinking of their needs and making up for the missed opportunity to show them you care on Valentine’s Day.”
RELATED: Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Every Love Language
4. Plan a Do-Over Gift or Date
Whether you and your partner didn’t get to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all, or your celebration was downright catastrophic, it’s worth trying to plan a re-do. But first, you’ll want to think about what makes your partner truly happy.
“Spend time with your partner doing something they enjoy,” says DeVore. “Focus on rebuilding the emotional connection and showing them they’re a priority.”
For example, Valdez notes that booking a table at that sushi restaurant where you first met, taking them to that new bar they keep talking about or snagging tickets to see a band they like, shows that you pay attention to their interests and passions.
RELATED: Unique Valentine’s Day Gifts
“Thoughtfulness beats price tag every time,” he adds.
5. Come Up With an Action Plan for Next Time
Even after you’ve planned something amazing to show your partner just how much you value them, you still have one more step to check off — and that involves some futureproofing.
“Don’t let it happen again,” says Gelazius. “Mark your calendar for the next February 14th.”
If it’s helpful, you may even want to set a reminder or alert for 2-4 weeks before Valentine’s Day — that way, you have a heads-up to start ordering a gift or making a dinner reservation in advance.
You Might Also Dig:
Unique Valentine’s Day Gifts 2025Last-Minute Valentine’s Day Gifts for HerBest Experience Gifts for Valentine’s Day