In any relationship, there are bound to be a few things you disagree on — say, your feelings about pineapple on pizza, what show or movie to stream on a Friday night, or the “right” way to load the dishwasher.
These types of harmless disagreements are typically nothing more than a running joke or minor source of annoyance — they don’t really pose a risk to your bond. But what if you have different political views from your partner?
RELATED: Can a Relationship Survive If You Have Different Political Views?
Across the board, experts agree that your relationship is not necessarily doomed just because you vote differently. In fact, they say these differences can actually lead to deeper conversations, and challenge your perspectives in ways that foster both compassion and personal growth. What matters, ultimately, is how you handle discussions about politics with each other.
“It’s OK to have differing political views from your partner, as long as both people feel emotionally safe and respected,” explains Shelly Qualtieri, a registered social worker and therapist who works with couples.
“Political beliefs are often shaped by personal experiences and values,” Qualtieri adds. “If each partner can recognize the other’s experiences without trying to change them, the relationship can remain healthy and grow stronger from those discussions.”
With that in mind, here are some tips to keep in mind when talking politics with your partner.
1. Lead With Curiosity
It’s easy to make assumptions about your partner’s beliefs — how and why they developed them, for example — but doing so will probably only fuel misunderstandings and make it harder for you to empathize with them.
That’s why Qualtieri advises asking your partner how they arrived at their views, rather than jumping to conclusions.
“This helps with understanding and lowers defensiveness,” she tells AskMen.
If your partner seems particularly passionate about a certain political topic, Katrina Gelazius, a licensed clinical professional counselor and owner of Feel Good Counseling Center, suggests asking something like “Can you help me understand why this matters to you?”
2. Listen Actively
After getting curious and posing questions to your partner, it’s important to actively listen to what they have to say. If you’re just mentally crafting your counterargument, you may not ever fully understand where they’re coming from.
“Listening to your partner’s point of view without interrupting shows respect and willingness to understand their perspective,” says Matthew Glowiak, a licensed clinical professional counselor with Recovery.com. “Body language is also important here. Maintain eye contact as appropriate to show that you are truly paying attention to what is being said.”
3. Set Boundaries
Since politics can quickly become a charged topic, it’s a good idea to establish some ground rules around what you will and won’t accept during these conversations with each other.
“Decide together when and where it’s okay to discuss politics,” says Qualtieri.
RELATED: The Dos & Don’ts of Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
For example, you may decide that the subject is off-limits late at night, when you’re both tired or stressed, or after either or both of you have been drinking. Qualtieri also suggests limiting these talks during particularly heated seasons, like election cycles.
“Boundaries prevent resentment and protect your emotional safety,” adds Rebecca Tenzer, a licensed clinical social worker also with Recovery.com. “Your partner’s birthday party, your child’s graduation, or a family event is not the time to bring up political differences.”
It’s also a good idea to have boundaries around when to pause — say, you start to raise your voices or you’re interrupting each other.
4. Find Common Ground
Rather than fixating on all the things you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on, experts recommend trying to find areas of overlap.
“When it truly comes down to it, when you ask individuals to share their personal views on a variety of topics, not all responses align with any one specific party,” explains Glowiak. “It’s actually common for many people to support some views that might be on the opposing side of the party they support.”
To find this common ground, Qualtieri suggests focusing on values to nurture a sense of unity and connection.
“You may differ on policy but still care about fairness, safety, or opportunity,” she explains.
RELATED: How to Respectfully Disagree With Your Partner During Tough Times
5. Don’t Be a Dick About It
This may go without saying, but Qualtieri emphasizes that it’s important to avoid personal attacks, name-calling, or condescending language when talking to your partner about politics. Even a sarcastic tone can be destructive.
“Say, ‘I see this differently,’ instead of ‘How can you possibly believe that?’” she explains. “And while you’re at it, avoid trying to ‘educate’ or shame your partner into changing their views. That power dynamic can be damaging if one person is more vocal or politically informed than the other.”
By the way, verbally mocking or criticizing your partner isn’t the only way to show disrespect during these conversations about politics — according to Gelazius, it’s crucial to be mindful of your nonverbal body language cues, too.
Rolling your eyes or pulling out your phone while they’re trying to express their thoughts and feelings can indicate that you don’t care to understand their point of view, and make them feel disrespected.
“These types of behaviors damage trust,” says Gelazius.
Remember, adds Tenzer — the aim here is not to “win,” it’s to reach a place of mutual understanding.
6. Know When to Step Away
Tenzer also suggests having a plan for what to do when things start to escalate, such as taking a time out, or tabling the conversation.
“This prevents saying things you might regret later,” says Glowiak. “People may forgive, but seldom do they forget.
For a helpful acronym, consider STAR: Stop, Think, And React.
Whenever emotions run high, stop for a moment. Take some time to think, even if you need to step away for a while, and return to the conversation later when calmer and more coherent.
Finally, Tenzer says you’ll likely just have to agree to disagree. If you keep trying to convince your partner of your beliefs or change their mind, the conversation may never end. Instead, work on accepting that you may never see eye to eye on certain things — and that’s OK.
7. Build in a Debrief
“After a political disagreement, take time to talk about how the conversation went,” says Tenzer.
“It doesn’t have to be right away, but there should be some sort of discussion. What worked? What didn’t? What changes should be implemented so that both partners feel safe and heard?”
Tenzer suggests engaging in a light, neutral activity while having this debrief — like taking a walk around the neighborhood, cooking dinner together, or doing a puzzle. This is a great way to rebuild and repair after a potentially heated discussion.
8. Limit Your Battles (And Choose Them Wisely)
Whatever you do, don’t make politics a daily topic of conversation.
“While it’s important to have meaningful discussions, political talk all the time can drain emotional energy and weaken your connection,” explains Tenzer. “Relationships are so much more than just debating policy.”
Ideally, Tenzer says you should prioritize making time for date nights and opportunities to build intimacy.
“That way, when you do have disagreements about politics or whatever else might come up, you’re more prepared to see the other person’s side, agree to disagree, and end with love and understanding,” she tells AskMen.
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These types of harmless disagreements are typically nothing more than a running joke or minor source of annoyance — they don’t really pose a risk to your bond. But what if you have different political views from your partner?
RELATED: Can a Relationship Survive If You Have Different Political Views?
Across the board, experts agree that your relationship is not necessarily doomed just because you vote differently. In fact, they say these differences can actually lead to deeper conversations, and challenge your perspectives in ways that foster both compassion and personal growth. What matters, ultimately, is how you handle discussions about politics with each other.
“It’s OK to have differing political views from your partner, as long as both people feel emotionally safe and respected,” explains Shelly Qualtieri, a registered social worker and therapist who works with couples.
“Political beliefs are often shaped by personal experiences and values,” Qualtieri adds. “If each partner can recognize the other’s experiences without trying to change them, the relationship can remain healthy and grow stronger from those discussions.”
With that in mind, here are some tips to keep in mind when talking politics with your partner.
1. Lead With Curiosity
It’s easy to make assumptions about your partner’s beliefs — how and why they developed them, for example — but doing so will probably only fuel misunderstandings and make it harder for you to empathize with them.
That’s why Qualtieri advises asking your partner how they arrived at their views, rather than jumping to conclusions.
“This helps with understanding and lowers defensiveness,” she tells AskMen.
If your partner seems particularly passionate about a certain political topic, Katrina Gelazius, a licensed clinical professional counselor and owner of Feel Good Counseling Center, suggests asking something like “Can you help me understand why this matters to you?”
2. Listen Actively
After getting curious and posing questions to your partner, it’s important to actively listen to what they have to say. If you’re just mentally crafting your counterargument, you may not ever fully understand where they’re coming from.
“Listening to your partner’s point of view without interrupting shows respect and willingness to understand their perspective,” says Matthew Glowiak, a licensed clinical professional counselor with Recovery.com. “Body language is also important here. Maintain eye contact as appropriate to show that you are truly paying attention to what is being said.”
3. Set Boundaries
Since politics can quickly become a charged topic, it’s a good idea to establish some ground rules around what you will and won’t accept during these conversations with each other.
“Decide together when and where it’s okay to discuss politics,” says Qualtieri.
RELATED: The Dos & Don’ts of Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
For example, you may decide that the subject is off-limits late at night, when you’re both tired or stressed, or after either or both of you have been drinking. Qualtieri also suggests limiting these talks during particularly heated seasons, like election cycles.
“Boundaries prevent resentment and protect your emotional safety,” adds Rebecca Tenzer, a licensed clinical social worker also with Recovery.com. “Your partner’s birthday party, your child’s graduation, or a family event is not the time to bring up political differences.”
It’s also a good idea to have boundaries around when to pause — say, you start to raise your voices or you’re interrupting each other.
4. Find Common Ground
Rather than fixating on all the things you and your partner don’t see eye to eye on, experts recommend trying to find areas of overlap.
“When it truly comes down to it, when you ask individuals to share their personal views on a variety of topics, not all responses align with any one specific party,” explains Glowiak. “It’s actually common for many people to support some views that might be on the opposing side of the party they support.”
To find this common ground, Qualtieri suggests focusing on values to nurture a sense of unity and connection.
“You may differ on policy but still care about fairness, safety, or opportunity,” she explains.
RELATED: How to Respectfully Disagree With Your Partner During Tough Times
5. Don’t Be a Dick About It
This may go without saying, but Qualtieri emphasizes that it’s important to avoid personal attacks, name-calling, or condescending language when talking to your partner about politics. Even a sarcastic tone can be destructive.
“Say, ‘I see this differently,’ instead of ‘How can you possibly believe that?’” she explains. “And while you’re at it, avoid trying to ‘educate’ or shame your partner into changing their views. That power dynamic can be damaging if one person is more vocal or politically informed than the other.”
By the way, verbally mocking or criticizing your partner isn’t the only way to show disrespect during these conversations about politics — according to Gelazius, it’s crucial to be mindful of your nonverbal body language cues, too.
Rolling your eyes or pulling out your phone while they’re trying to express their thoughts and feelings can indicate that you don’t care to understand their point of view, and make them feel disrespected.
“These types of behaviors damage trust,” says Gelazius.
Remember, adds Tenzer — the aim here is not to “win,” it’s to reach a place of mutual understanding.
6. Know When to Step Away
Tenzer also suggests having a plan for what to do when things start to escalate, such as taking a time out, or tabling the conversation.
“This prevents saying things you might regret later,” says Glowiak. “People may forgive, but seldom do they forget.
For a helpful acronym, consider STAR: Stop, Think, And React.
Whenever emotions run high, stop for a moment. Take some time to think, even if you need to step away for a while, and return to the conversation later when calmer and more coherent.
Finally, Tenzer says you’ll likely just have to agree to disagree. If you keep trying to convince your partner of your beliefs or change their mind, the conversation may never end. Instead, work on accepting that you may never see eye to eye on certain things — and that’s OK.
7. Build in a Debrief
“After a political disagreement, take time to talk about how the conversation went,” says Tenzer.
“It doesn’t have to be right away, but there should be some sort of discussion. What worked? What didn’t? What changes should be implemented so that both partners feel safe and heard?”
Tenzer suggests engaging in a light, neutral activity while having this debrief — like taking a walk around the neighborhood, cooking dinner together, or doing a puzzle. This is a great way to rebuild and repair after a potentially heated discussion.
8. Limit Your Battles (And Choose Them Wisely)
Whatever you do, don’t make politics a daily topic of conversation.
“While it’s important to have meaningful discussions, political talk all the time can drain emotional energy and weaken your connection,” explains Tenzer. “Relationships are so much more than just debating policy.”
Ideally, Tenzer says you should prioritize making time for date nights and opportunities to build intimacy.
“That way, when you do have disagreements about politics or whatever else might come up, you’re more prepared to see the other person’s side, agree to disagree, and end with love and understanding,” she tells AskMen.
You Might Also Dig:
Relationship Fights That Basically Every Couple HasWhat to Avoid Doing in an Argument With Your PartnerWhat Men Can Do to Help in a Post-Roe America