The point of traveling with your partner should be to enjoy stepping out of routine and to make new memories together.
But because of how different it can be from day-to-day life, traveling together also gives you a way to explore how you work as a couple, and can strengthen the relationship once you’re back home — if you go about the experience the right way, that is.
“Traveling together can be an exciting bonding experience, but it also brings unique challenges,” says Kimber Shelton, licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and owner of KLS Counseling & Consulting Services. “It’s a unique opportunity to learn how your partner navigates stress, plans, and unwinds.”
Whether it’s your first trip as a couple or you’ve been traveling together for years, the following couples’ therapist-approved dos and don’ts will help ensure your time together strengthens your relationship and allows you to make the most of your time and memories abroad, even if things don’t go exactly as planned.
RELATED: Romantic Getaway Mistakes
Here’s what you’ll want to plan for when traveling together in order to make the most of your trip as a couple—while still ensuring you’re both enjoying yourselves as individuals.
Don’t Expect Perfection
Unless you’re both very lucky and having a quite short trip, things will not go perfectly. Inevitably, you will be late, miss a train, go in the wrong direction, forget to pack something — the list goes on.
“Mishaps and errors are bound to happen when traveling,” says Shelton. “Expect this to occur and offer yourself and your partner grace. Instead of wasting time focused on what went wrong, put your energy into how you can pivot and adapt to the situation.”
Do Allow for Resets
In tandem with the above, miscommunication and frustrations are bound to happen when traveling. Shelton urges couples to give themselves a reset when they do.
“Take a breath, remember your intentions and desire for the trip, start over, and offer a positive suggestion,” she suggests.
Saying something like, ‘We’re not going to make that reservation, there are other good restaurants, and I just want to have a nice dinner with you. Let’s try one of these places,’ makes it easy to move forward and puts emphasis on the time you’re spending together rather than trying to cultivate the perfect trip at all costs.
As in other areas of life, being a little more laid-back about things may in fact mean you’re more likely to enjoy yourselves.
Don’t Forget Who You’re Traveling With
As much as you love and care for your partner, they’re not perfect. Expecting them to magically change who they are while traveling isn’t realistic — in fact, depending on their comfort level with new places, they might even struggle more than in their day-to-day life.
“I know my spouse will do minimal planning, will absolutely forget to bring something, and will want to purchase an expensive item when we travel abroad,” says Shelton. “This is who he is and what he does, so when this person shows up on vacation, I am not surprised.”
“While these things can annoy me, I appreciate that he goes with the flow, is relaxed, and calm when traveling. Know who you are traveling with and appreciate the strong qualities that they bring to traveling abroad.”
Knowing what you know about each other’s personalities can also be helpful when breaking down responsibilities. Is one of you really good at finding deals? Is one of you more linguistically comfortable with your new surroundings? Using each other’s skill sets judiciously can help make everything go more smoothly.
Do Be Present
It’s not uncommon to get so focused or stressed on itineraries, capturing the perfect photo, and doing all the things that you don’t fully appreciate the space that you’re in and who you’re there with.
Instead of focusing on a laundry list of places to visit, Shelton suggests focusing on being present — in the place you are and who you’re with.
“At that waterfall, on top of that mountain, in the gondola, or viewing that architectural marvel, pause, breathe, notice how you feel, what you see, what you smell, what you hear,” she says. “Appreciate being in this space with someone you care about and who cares about you.”
Don’t Take ‘Home Problems’ on Vacation With You
“Unless the focus of your trip is to work through problems and issues, leave those problems and issues at home,” suggests Shelton. “Too much money has been spent to be arguing and angry in paradise. When you get home, those problems and issues will still be there for you to focus on.”
Shelton also points out that having a good trip with your partner can give you enough of a reconnection to better work through some of those problems and issues when you do get back home.
Do Ask for What You Need
“Don’t assume your partner knows when you are hungry, what time you need to leave to make it somewhere, directions to the next location, or the day’s itinerary,” says Shelton.
“Communicate what you need and how you are feeling. There are so many things to attend to and focus on when traveling abroad that your partner may not be as attentive to your needs and might miss nonverbal cues on how you feel. Don’t wait for them to guess what is going on with you, tell them.”
Don’t Get Defensive
“If your partner is upset, take three deep breaths before responding, listen, and own your part,” says Tori Morrison, owner and lead coach at Haven Coaching in San Diego, CA.
If you feel overwhelmed, Morrison suggests saying something like, “I feel too dysregulated to continue right now. I need a short break so I can come back calmer.”
Do Apologize & Take Ownership
If things do go wrong, acknowledge your role and express genuine remorse from your heart.
Morrison suggests using “I feel” statements. For example: ‘When you didn’t book the tickets, I felt anxious. In the future, I’d love it if we could double-check plans together. Does that work for you?’
RELATED: How to Apologize Like a Man
From there, repair quickly and move forward.
“Lean into your teamwork, resolve the issue fully, then consciously shift back into enjoying your vacation,” she suggests.
Don’t Storm Off & Leave Your Partner
Even if you desperately need space to cool off before dealing with conflict, do not leave your partner alone in a foreign place. Abandoning your partner when they might not have regular cell reception or feel comfortable abroad is something that will be hard to forget in the future.
“Safety matters, especially in unfamiliar places. Step aside together in a safe spot if you need space,” says Morrison.
Instead, if you’re someone who often needs solo time, consider building some into your itinerary to begin with. That way, whether you really need space from them or not, you’ll be able to have some fun solo experiences and come back together after some time apart with things to share.
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But because of how different it can be from day-to-day life, traveling together also gives you a way to explore how you work as a couple, and can strengthen the relationship once you’re back home — if you go about the experience the right way, that is.
“Traveling together can be an exciting bonding experience, but it also brings unique challenges,” says Kimber Shelton, licensed psychologist, author, speaker, and owner of KLS Counseling & Consulting Services. “It’s a unique opportunity to learn how your partner navigates stress, plans, and unwinds.”
Whether it’s your first trip as a couple or you’ve been traveling together for years, the following couples’ therapist-approved dos and don’ts will help ensure your time together strengthens your relationship and allows you to make the most of your time and memories abroad, even if things don’t go exactly as planned.
RELATED: Romantic Getaway Mistakes
Here’s what you’ll want to plan for when traveling together in order to make the most of your trip as a couple—while still ensuring you’re both enjoying yourselves as individuals.
Don’t Expect Perfection
Unless you’re both very lucky and having a quite short trip, things will not go perfectly. Inevitably, you will be late, miss a train, go in the wrong direction, forget to pack something — the list goes on.
“Mishaps and errors are bound to happen when traveling,” says Shelton. “Expect this to occur and offer yourself and your partner grace. Instead of wasting time focused on what went wrong, put your energy into how you can pivot and adapt to the situation.”
Do Allow for Resets
In tandem with the above, miscommunication and frustrations are bound to happen when traveling. Shelton urges couples to give themselves a reset when they do.
“Take a breath, remember your intentions and desire for the trip, start over, and offer a positive suggestion,” she suggests.
Saying something like, ‘We’re not going to make that reservation, there are other good restaurants, and I just want to have a nice dinner with you. Let’s try one of these places,’ makes it easy to move forward and puts emphasis on the time you’re spending together rather than trying to cultivate the perfect trip at all costs.
As in other areas of life, being a little more laid-back about things may in fact mean you’re more likely to enjoy yourselves.
Don’t Forget Who You’re Traveling With
As much as you love and care for your partner, they’re not perfect. Expecting them to magically change who they are while traveling isn’t realistic — in fact, depending on their comfort level with new places, they might even struggle more than in their day-to-day life.
“I know my spouse will do minimal planning, will absolutely forget to bring something, and will want to purchase an expensive item when we travel abroad,” says Shelton. “This is who he is and what he does, so when this person shows up on vacation, I am not surprised.”
“While these things can annoy me, I appreciate that he goes with the flow, is relaxed, and calm when traveling. Know who you are traveling with and appreciate the strong qualities that they bring to traveling abroad.”
Knowing what you know about each other’s personalities can also be helpful when breaking down responsibilities. Is one of you really good at finding deals? Is one of you more linguistically comfortable with your new surroundings? Using each other’s skill sets judiciously can help make everything go more smoothly.
Do Be Present
It’s not uncommon to get so focused or stressed on itineraries, capturing the perfect photo, and doing all the things that you don’t fully appreciate the space that you’re in and who you’re there with.
Instead of focusing on a laundry list of places to visit, Shelton suggests focusing on being present — in the place you are and who you’re with.
“At that waterfall, on top of that mountain, in the gondola, or viewing that architectural marvel, pause, breathe, notice how you feel, what you see, what you smell, what you hear,” she says. “Appreciate being in this space with someone you care about and who cares about you.”
Don’t Take ‘Home Problems’ on Vacation With You
“Unless the focus of your trip is to work through problems and issues, leave those problems and issues at home,” suggests Shelton. “Too much money has been spent to be arguing and angry in paradise. When you get home, those problems and issues will still be there for you to focus on.”
Shelton also points out that having a good trip with your partner can give you enough of a reconnection to better work through some of those problems and issues when you do get back home.
Do Ask for What You Need
“Don’t assume your partner knows when you are hungry, what time you need to leave to make it somewhere, directions to the next location, or the day’s itinerary,” says Shelton.
“Communicate what you need and how you are feeling. There are so many things to attend to and focus on when traveling abroad that your partner may not be as attentive to your needs and might miss nonverbal cues on how you feel. Don’t wait for them to guess what is going on with you, tell them.”
Don’t Get Defensive
“If your partner is upset, take three deep breaths before responding, listen, and own your part,” says Tori Morrison, owner and lead coach at Haven Coaching in San Diego, CA.
If you feel overwhelmed, Morrison suggests saying something like, “I feel too dysregulated to continue right now. I need a short break so I can come back calmer.”
Do Apologize & Take Ownership
If things do go wrong, acknowledge your role and express genuine remorse from your heart.
Morrison suggests using “I feel” statements. For example: ‘When you didn’t book the tickets, I felt anxious. In the future, I’d love it if we could double-check plans together. Does that work for you?’
RELATED: How to Apologize Like a Man
From there, repair quickly and move forward.
“Lean into your teamwork, resolve the issue fully, then consciously shift back into enjoying your vacation,” she suggests.
Don’t Storm Off & Leave Your Partner
Even if you desperately need space to cool off before dealing with conflict, do not leave your partner alone in a foreign place. Abandoning your partner when they might not have regular cell reception or feel comfortable abroad is something that will be hard to forget in the future.
“Safety matters, especially in unfamiliar places. Step aside together in a safe spot if you need space,” says Morrison.
Instead, if you’re someone who often needs solo time, consider building some into your itinerary to begin with. That way, whether you really need space from them or not, you’ll be able to have some fun solo experiences and come back together after some time apart with things to share.
You Might Also Dig:
Questions to Ask Before Moving in Together The Most Romantic Hotels for an Unforgettable Couples GetawayHow to Respectfully Disagree With Your Partner During Tough Times