Pop culture has spent years convincing men that bigger romantic displays always mean better, in no small part because it’s easier to make jaw-droppingly big and complex displays of affection look romantic on screen than it is to visually communicate the enormity of feelings that can accompany small gestures.
At the end of the day, those grand romantic gestures look great on screen (and rare is the person who’d turn down a trip to Paris). But here’s the reality: they’re not what actually strengthens your relationship day to day.
RELATED: Lies Pop Culture Taught Us About Love & Romance
Enter “micromances” — the small, everyday moments of care that relationship experts say matter far more than any grand display.
“Micromances differ from traditional romantic gestures because they’re rooted in presence rather than performance,” says René Mondy, therapist and post-marriage expert.
They’re as small as holding hands or driving your partner to work every morning. While these acts are small, they help couples build a more consistent foundation.
“These small, repeated acts of care often reveal the emotional blueprint of the relationship far more clearly than a grand gesture ever could,” adds Mondy.
According to Bumble’s 2025 Dating Trends report, this shift in romance is already happening. In their survey, 86 percent of singles said they prefer these smaller gestures — sharing inside jokes, thoughtful texts, curated playlists — over flashy romantic productions.
A recent study from Penn State University found that small acts of love can increase feelings of being loved and are associated with greater well-being.
When done repeatedly, micromances can create a stable emotional baseline that couples can return to during a crisis or conflict, explains Mondy. These moments can help partners feel seen, supported, and safe.
How Micromances Improve Relationships
“Some people reach for grand romantic gestures because they create a temporary rush, just enough excitement to gloss over unresolved issues,” explains Mondy.
Not to mention, it also makes for a great social media photo. As TV and movie directors know, the visual pop of something that looks impressive can be convincing for many people.
“But if a relationship feels unstable or emotionally distant, big displays like flowers or elaborate surprises won’t address the underlying wounds,” she adds.
That’s not to say grand gestures don’t have their place—they can definitely complement a solid relationship. But micromances offer something deeper, something you can’t capture on Instagram.
For one, these small acts of love can create genuine safety, adds Mondy. “A thoughtful act communicates, ‘You’re not alone. Someone is paying attention to you.’”
RELATED: Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship
They’re also sustainable to practice. Grand gestures can require a ton of planning, money, and energy, whereas micromances easily fit into daily life. Over time, these small acts build more emotional security, the kind of long-term foundation couples can genuinely rely on, says Mondy.
Incorporating Micromances Into Your Relationship
Chances are you’ve probably practiced some micromance and not even realized it. In her sessions, Mondy frequently hears men say, “I didn’t know that counted” when discussing meaningful romantic interactions.
RELATED: Small Romantic Gestures That Make a Big Impact
Some examples of micromances are as simple as texting your partner to ask if they arrived home safely, holding hands while walking home, saving the last slice of pizza for them because it’s their favorite, or sharing songs or videos that remind you of them. These acts are small, but they signal thoughtfulness.
If you’re unsure of what acts your partner would consider romantic, talk to them.
“I’ve noticed that women often express micromances in ways that feel intuitive and nurturing, while men tend to approach them from a more practical, problem-solving stance,” says Mondy. “Both styles are completely valid — they simply reflect different relational instincts. What matters most is helping couples understand that these differences aren’t deficits; they’re just two languages of care that need translation.”
RELATED: Qualities Women Look for in a Man
Once you know what resonates with your partner, focus on consistency over intensity. Mondy adds that frequency matters more than scale when building healthy connections. In other words, one small gesture every day beats one huge gesture once a month.
“What truly matters is the meaning behind the gesture,” Mondy adds. “I encourage clients to slow down and ask, ‘What can I offer in this moment that communicates care?’”
Another helpful starting point is observing what genuinely matters to your partner. According to Mondy, people reveal both their fears and their love language through daily habits. For example, Mondy dreads mornings, and her partner makes her coffee each day.
“It may seem tiny, but it communicates care in such a deeply meaningful way,” she says.
Even your partner’s stressors are worth noticing. For example, if they hate driving in the rain, a simple “Text me when you get there” message can turn into a micromance. If they’re anxious about a work presentation, checking in afterward shows you care about their feelings.
“Micromances work because they lighten emotional load,” Mondy says. “They say, ‘I see you, and I’m paying attention.’”
One thing to remember about micromances: You likely won’t notice their effects right away. But over time, these small acts compound into something bigger: a relationship where both people feel consistently valued.
“Think vitamins, not painkillers,” Mondy says. “Micromances work the same way: steady doses create long-term change.
RELATED: Understanding ‘Attention Bids’ in Relationships
Grand gestures may get all the attention in movies and social media, but healthy relationships are built in the mundane moments: the coffee runs, the check-ins, the inside jokes. They’re not flashy, but they’re what keep couples connected in the long run.
So skip the rose petals (unless your partner’s specifically asked for them). Instead, send that meme. Remember their coffee order. Text them when you’re thinking about them. Those small acts won’t go viral, but they’ll build something that lasts.
You Might Also Dig:
Golden Rules of Healthy Relationships, According to Experts How to Use ‘Solve Languages’ to Improve Your Relationship Habits to Prevent Divorce Later in Life