Some first-date etiquette probably goes without saying: don’t show up late, don’t start scrolling on your phone while they’re talking to you, and definitely don’t pressure them into a goodnight kiss if they’re not feeling it.
But when we talked to matchmakers and dating coaches, they all said that guys often unknowingly make other mistakes — and mistakes, we might add, that might hurt their chances at landing a second date.
“The impression you make on a first date is incredibly important because it sets the foundation for everything that might come next,” says Seth Eisenberg, a relationship skills trainer and President/CEO at PAIRS Foundation.
“It’s like the opening scene of a movie — if it doesn’t grab your attention, you’re less likely to stay invested in the story,” Eisenberg explains. “A first date is an opportunity to showcase who you are, how you interact with others, and whether there’s potential for a deeper connection.”
Just because your first date feels a little “off” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doomed — some people might be willing to chalk it up to nerves and give you a second chance. But the reality is that there are no do-overs. So why not nail that impression the first time?
RELATED: What to Wear on a First Date
The good news is, you totally can. Just make sure to dodge these common mistakes and experts agree you should be golden.
1. Not Showing Initiative
According to Ksenia Droben, CEO at Droben Matchmaking, showing initiative can be incredibly attractive — for example choosing a meetup spot and making a reservation.
Taking charge in helping to plan the date can help to put the other person at ease because it takes some of the burden off them to figure out every detail. Sometimes, it’s as simple as giving your date a choice.
RELATED: How to Prepare for a First Date
So, when they say, “Where should we meet up?” don’t respond with “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” This suggests that you either don’t care to put any thought into planning a fun date, or you’re too passive to express what you really want — both of which are turn-offs.
Instead, consider saying something like, “Well, I have a few ideas — we could go to [XYZ spot you love] or try that new place [XYZ you’ve never been to].”
2. Holding Back on the Compliments
As much as flirting sometimes comprises teasing the other person, don’t forget the power of complimenting your date. Compliments make people feel good — full stop. If you make your date feel good, they’ll then associate being in your presence with those positive emotions. That means they’ll want to hang around you more. It’s that simple.
That’s why Trina Leckie, relationship coach and podcast host at breakup BOOST says neglecting to give your date a compliment would be a huge mistake.
“Complimenting your date will make them feel more confident, especially at a time when first date jitters have set in,” she tells AskMen. “It’s a nice way to break the ice too!”
Remember: Good compliments should always be genuine — and they definitely don’t have to be about your date’s physical appearance, either. Something like “Wow, you really picked the restaurant, you obviously have great taste,” or “You have the best laugh” can go a long way.
3. Trying Too Hard to Impress Them
Of course, you want your date to think you’re awesome by the end of the night. But contrary to what you might believe, talking about yourself the whole time isn’t going to accomplish that. Instead of being impressed by your career, income, or lifestyle, they’re probably going to think you’re arrogant and self-centered.
“Overemphasizing your achievements, material possessions, or social status can come across as inauthentic or even off-putting,” says Rachel DeAlto, chief connection officer at Match Group and relationship expert at Stir. “It can also set unrealistic expectations for the future. Focus on being genuine rather than impressive. Share who you are in a way that’s honest and reflective of your true self.”
According to Dara Rahill, Dara Rae Matchmaking, dominating the conversation in general is a big no-no — especially on a first date.
“This often leaves the other person feeling undervalued and ignored,” she says. “Instead, strive for a balanced conversation. Ask open-ended questions about your date’s interests and experiences, and listen actively. This not only shows that you’re genuinely interested but also fosters a more engaging and reciprocal dialogue.”
RELATED: Why Asking Questions & Listening Is a Major Dating Hack
4. Not Giving Any Thought to the Location
No pressure or anything, but the location of your date can play a huge role in how easily the conversation flows, whether you and your date can find things in common, how well you can evaluate your chemistry and compatibility, and the overall vibe.
That’s why Rahill says not putting some thought into where you’re meeting up is a huge mistake. And by the way — a good date venue doesn’t have to be expensive.
RELATED: Top 10 First Date Ideas
For example, she suggests affordable yet charming options like grabbing a treat at a local ice cream shop or bakery followed by a wall through the park, or scoping out a local art gallery and then grabbing a coffee after.
“These settings provide a pleasant atmosphere without breaking the bank and demonstrate that you’ve put thought into planning the date,” she adds.
Most importantly, you’ll want to choose an environment that isn’t too loud or chaotic because a first date is all about getting to know each other — and you can’t do that if you’re unable to hear each other talk. So, consider saving the concerts and rowdy bars for future dates.
5. Bringing the Negative Energy
Repeat after us: A first date is not the place to vent.
Remember: They don’t know you yet. So, if you start ranting about everything that’s going wrong right off the bat, they’ll assume this is your default mode.
RELATED: Worst First-Date Situations, Revealed
“Complaining about work, previous relationships, or other personal grievances on a first date can create a negative atmosphere and make your date uncomfortable,” says Rahill. “A first date should be about showcasing your positive qualities and ensuring your date enjoys their time with you. Keep the conversation upbeat and focus on enjoyable topics. This helps create a more pleasant and memorable experience for both of you.
So, even if your boss insulted you during a meeting, you came home to dog pee on your carpet, and someone cut you off on the drive over to meet your date, try to laugh it off and come into the date with a positive mindset.
“Positivity is universally appealing,” says Bethany Skorik, an etiquette expert and lifestyle coach at The Charming Diplomat.
“Before your date, listen to fun music or think of memories that put you in a good mood. This positive energy will come across as confident yet humble, open, and inviting. Avoid discussing heavy topics like politics and religion. Instead, talk about things that make you happy and see if your date can match your vibe.”
6. Getting Distracted
“Whether it’s checking your phone or glancing around the room, acting distracted can signal that you’re not fully present,” says DeAlto. “This can make your date feel like they’re not a priority.”
RELATED: What She’s Thinking Before Your Date
So, do whatever you need to do to remain fully present during the date. Put your phone away — in fact, consider silencing it unless you’re on call for some kind of emergency. If you know you tend to get easily distracted by what’s happening at other tables around the room, sit in the seat facing the wall, and try to consciously make eye contact with your date.
And whatever you do, don’t start staring at the TV screen behind the bar if there’s a game on. Experts agree it will make your date feel insecure that you’re not enjoying yourself if you’re more invested in how your favorite team is doing than getting to know the person across from you.
7. Oversharing
While allowing yourself to be vulnerable and share details about your life, interests, and aspirations is a great way to build a connection with your date, experts say it is possible to go overboard with how much information you reveal.
RELATED: Things You Shouldn’t Say on a First Date
“Sharing too much about your past, in particular — including details about exes or difficult experiences, can be overwhelming for someone you’ve just met,” explains Rahill. “It’s important to establish a deeper rapport before delving into sensitive personal stories.”
According to Skorik, sharing too much too soon might be off-putting or make your date feel uncomfortable. So, consider keeping those initial conversations relatively light and save the more intimate disclosures for later in the relationship when you’ve built some trust and rapport.
You Might Also Dig:
Best Questions to Ask Your Date13 First Date Hacks Will Change Your Game Immediately9 First-Date Conversation Tips That Actually Work
But when we talked to matchmakers and dating coaches, they all said that guys often unknowingly make other mistakes — and mistakes, we might add, that might hurt their chances at landing a second date.
“The impression you make on a first date is incredibly important because it sets the foundation for everything that might come next,” says Seth Eisenberg, a relationship skills trainer and President/CEO at PAIRS Foundation.
“It’s like the opening scene of a movie — if it doesn’t grab your attention, you’re less likely to stay invested in the story,” Eisenberg explains. “A first date is an opportunity to showcase who you are, how you interact with others, and whether there’s potential for a deeper connection.”
Just because your first date feels a little “off” doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doomed — some people might be willing to chalk it up to nerves and give you a second chance. But the reality is that there are no do-overs. So why not nail that impression the first time?
RELATED: What to Wear on a First Date
The good news is, you totally can. Just make sure to dodge these common mistakes and experts agree you should be golden.
1. Not Showing Initiative
According to Ksenia Droben, CEO at Droben Matchmaking, showing initiative can be incredibly attractive — for example choosing a meetup spot and making a reservation.
Taking charge in helping to plan the date can help to put the other person at ease because it takes some of the burden off them to figure out every detail. Sometimes, it’s as simple as giving your date a choice.
RELATED: How to Prepare for a First Date
So, when they say, “Where should we meet up?” don’t respond with “I don’t know, where do you want to go?” This suggests that you either don’t care to put any thought into planning a fun date, or you’re too passive to express what you really want — both of which are turn-offs.
Instead, consider saying something like, “Well, I have a few ideas — we could go to [XYZ spot you love] or try that new place [XYZ you’ve never been to].”
2. Holding Back on the Compliments
As much as flirting sometimes comprises teasing the other person, don’t forget the power of complimenting your date. Compliments make people feel good — full stop. If you make your date feel good, they’ll then associate being in your presence with those positive emotions. That means they’ll want to hang around you more. It’s that simple.
That’s why Trina Leckie, relationship coach and podcast host at breakup BOOST says neglecting to give your date a compliment would be a huge mistake.
“Complimenting your date will make them feel more confident, especially at a time when first date jitters have set in,” she tells AskMen. “It’s a nice way to break the ice too!”
Remember: Good compliments should always be genuine — and they definitely don’t have to be about your date’s physical appearance, either. Something like “Wow, you really picked the restaurant, you obviously have great taste,” or “You have the best laugh” can go a long way.
3. Trying Too Hard to Impress Them
Of course, you want your date to think you’re awesome by the end of the night. But contrary to what you might believe, talking about yourself the whole time isn’t going to accomplish that. Instead of being impressed by your career, income, or lifestyle, they’re probably going to think you’re arrogant and self-centered.
“Overemphasizing your achievements, material possessions, or social status can come across as inauthentic or even off-putting,” says Rachel DeAlto, chief connection officer at Match Group and relationship expert at Stir. “It can also set unrealistic expectations for the future. Focus on being genuine rather than impressive. Share who you are in a way that’s honest and reflective of your true self.”
According to Dara Rahill, Dara Rae Matchmaking, dominating the conversation in general is a big no-no — especially on a first date.
“This often leaves the other person feeling undervalued and ignored,” she says. “Instead, strive for a balanced conversation. Ask open-ended questions about your date’s interests and experiences, and listen actively. This not only shows that you’re genuinely interested but also fosters a more engaging and reciprocal dialogue.”
RELATED: Why Asking Questions & Listening Is a Major Dating Hack
4. Not Giving Any Thought to the Location
No pressure or anything, but the location of your date can play a huge role in how easily the conversation flows, whether you and your date can find things in common, how well you can evaluate your chemistry and compatibility, and the overall vibe.
That’s why Rahill says not putting some thought into where you’re meeting up is a huge mistake. And by the way — a good date venue doesn’t have to be expensive.
RELATED: Top 10 First Date Ideas
For example, she suggests affordable yet charming options like grabbing a treat at a local ice cream shop or bakery followed by a wall through the park, or scoping out a local art gallery and then grabbing a coffee after.
“These settings provide a pleasant atmosphere without breaking the bank and demonstrate that you’ve put thought into planning the date,” she adds.
Most importantly, you’ll want to choose an environment that isn’t too loud or chaotic because a first date is all about getting to know each other — and you can’t do that if you’re unable to hear each other talk. So, consider saving the concerts and rowdy bars for future dates.
5. Bringing the Negative Energy
Repeat after us: A first date is not the place to vent.
Remember: They don’t know you yet. So, if you start ranting about everything that’s going wrong right off the bat, they’ll assume this is your default mode.
RELATED: Worst First-Date Situations, Revealed
“Complaining about work, previous relationships, or other personal grievances on a first date can create a negative atmosphere and make your date uncomfortable,” says Rahill. “A first date should be about showcasing your positive qualities and ensuring your date enjoys their time with you. Keep the conversation upbeat and focus on enjoyable topics. This helps create a more pleasant and memorable experience for both of you.
So, even if your boss insulted you during a meeting, you came home to dog pee on your carpet, and someone cut you off on the drive over to meet your date, try to laugh it off and come into the date with a positive mindset.
“Positivity is universally appealing,” says Bethany Skorik, an etiquette expert and lifestyle coach at The Charming Diplomat.
“Before your date, listen to fun music or think of memories that put you in a good mood. This positive energy will come across as confident yet humble, open, and inviting. Avoid discussing heavy topics like politics and religion. Instead, talk about things that make you happy and see if your date can match your vibe.”
6. Getting Distracted
“Whether it’s checking your phone or glancing around the room, acting distracted can signal that you’re not fully present,” says DeAlto. “This can make your date feel like they’re not a priority.”
RELATED: What She’s Thinking Before Your Date
So, do whatever you need to do to remain fully present during the date. Put your phone away — in fact, consider silencing it unless you’re on call for some kind of emergency. If you know you tend to get easily distracted by what’s happening at other tables around the room, sit in the seat facing the wall, and try to consciously make eye contact with your date.
And whatever you do, don’t start staring at the TV screen behind the bar if there’s a game on. Experts agree it will make your date feel insecure that you’re not enjoying yourself if you’re more invested in how your favorite team is doing than getting to know the person across from you.
7. Oversharing
While allowing yourself to be vulnerable and share details about your life, interests, and aspirations is a great way to build a connection with your date, experts say it is possible to go overboard with how much information you reveal.
RELATED: Things You Shouldn’t Say on a First Date
“Sharing too much about your past, in particular — including details about exes or difficult experiences, can be overwhelming for someone you’ve just met,” explains Rahill. “It’s important to establish a deeper rapport before delving into sensitive personal stories.”
According to Skorik, sharing too much too soon might be off-putting or make your date feel uncomfortable. So, consider keeping those initial conversations relatively light and save the more intimate disclosures for later in the relationship when you’ve built some trust and rapport.
You Might Also Dig:
Best Questions to Ask Your Date13 First Date Hacks Will Change Your Game Immediately9 First-Date Conversation Tips That Actually Work