Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com).
The Question
“I am new to the online dating world when it comes to dudes. Do you have any tips so that I don’t come across as a complete loser and will get at least some interest?” – Tyler, Scottsdale, AZ
The Answer
I recently stumbled across a profile on Hinge that proved you can be the hottest guy in the world, but also possess the intrigue of a jar of mayonnaise. Under the prompt “favorite hobbies,” Mr. Six Pack and No Personality’s response was simply: “have fun.”
“WOW. Having fun? That’s so fascinating and tells me so much about you! You sound so damn interesting.” – me in my brain while also deciding I should quit my job and start a business writing profile copy for dating sites.
RELATED: How to Write an Online Dating Profile
Needless to say, you don’t want to be mayonnaise boy. The amount of effort he put into his response is probably the amount of effort he’d put into a relationship. And remember, abs fade, boring is forever.
While profiles will differ between more serious apps such as Hinge and sex-fueled alternatives such as Grindr, it’s important to put your best foot forward and make a good first impression in any situation. Here are five tips to keep in mind (for the former) as you venture into the shark-filled waters of online dating, framed around mistakes I see guys make far too often.
1. Don’t Overuse Selfies
A profile full of selfies may imply one of three things: you’re narcissistic, you don’t have friends, and/or you’re ugly in real life.
Your face card is, of course, one of the most important elements of a dating profile, but that’s not everything people want to see. Select photos of you with friends and family members or engaging in activities like sports, painting, or travel that will also provide insight into your hobbies and interests. These will resonate much more than dated Kim Kardashian-esque duck face photos that are and will continue to be low-key cringe.
RELATED: The Best Dating Profile Pictures
Selfies also tell the world that you may only look good in photos when you’re in control of the camera, filters, and editing.
And while I wish I could perpetuate the lie that beauty only comes from within, physical attraction will always play a significant role in finding a romantic interest (no matter what Love Is Blind tells you), and you don’t want to be misleading.
2. Don’t Be One-Note
An extension of tip number one is to vary the types of photos that you post. For example, you shouldn’t rely on too many shirtless mirror selfies to garner interest.
RELATED: Common Online Dating Mistakes
It is OK to take pride in your body and show that physical health is a priority, but you can also make this less obvious and intimidating with a casual beach photo. Versatility also applies to your facial expressions, outfits, and backgrounds. A smoldering look can go far, but always supplement it with a photo of a smile.
3. Don’t Use Superlatives
This may apply mostly to Grindr users but I have seen guys actually post screenshots of compliments that people have given them, as if they’re providing letters of recommendation in advance.
Nobody needs to see a text exchange of somebody saying “great first date” or “good kisser” — that is a ginormous red flag. There is a reason why they’re not with this complimentary person, so what is the point of showing off what was once said about them? It’s just plain weird.
4. Don’t Be Overtly Sexual
While I understand that sexual compatibility plays a major role in the lives of many gay men, I simply can’t rationalize why anyone would want to lead with whether or not they are a top, bottom, or everything in between. This gives the impression that sex is the most important part of the relationship that you’re seeking.
RELATED: What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Guys About Getting Kinky
The same applies to overtly sexual photos of bulges and bare cheeks. Grindr, Scruff, and Sniffies exist for a reason. Put your horniness on stand-by and show that you’re more than just a dick, ass, and preferred position.
Chemistry is chemistry and you could potentially prevent yourself from meeting someone amazing by either sending the wrong signals or having non-negotiables in the bedroom. What ever happened to the excitement of what could take place after a successful first date? A little mystery is always fun to explore.
Plus, many people are willing to become a bit more “versatile” for the right person. These are conversations for the future. Enjoy the moment and try not to draw too many hard lines in the sand.
5. Don’t Second-Guess Your Responses
You want someone to like you for you. If you overthink responses to dating profile questions and try to sound more interesting or funny, this isn’t fair to you or the person on the receiving end.
It sounds cliché to say this, but be yourself. And not just yourself, your best self. Ask friends and family members to share what they appreciate most about you and find a way to translate this via text or photos (i.e. if you’re funny, throw in some wit and sarcasm. If you’re shy, be upfront about it with a personal anecdote).
While a little secrecy can be intriguing, people also have very little time and patience and want to get a sense of what they’re signing up for. Don’t feel the need to impress or be anything other than your most authentic self.
You Might Also Dig:
How to Make a Profile for a Gay Online Dating AppCommon Questions About Gay Guys, AnsweredWhy Do Gay Men Care So Much About Their Appearance?
The Question
“I am new to the online dating world when it comes to dudes. Do you have any tips so that I don’t come across as a complete loser and will get at least some interest?” – Tyler, Scottsdale, AZ
The Answer
I recently stumbled across a profile on Hinge that proved you can be the hottest guy in the world, but also possess the intrigue of a jar of mayonnaise. Under the prompt “favorite hobbies,” Mr. Six Pack and No Personality’s response was simply: “have fun.”
“WOW. Having fun? That’s so fascinating and tells me so much about you! You sound so damn interesting.” – me in my brain while also deciding I should quit my job and start a business writing profile copy for dating sites.
RELATED: How to Write an Online Dating Profile
Needless to say, you don’t want to be mayonnaise boy. The amount of effort he put into his response is probably the amount of effort he’d put into a relationship. And remember, abs fade, boring is forever.
While profiles will differ between more serious apps such as Hinge and sex-fueled alternatives such as Grindr, it’s important to put your best foot forward and make a good first impression in any situation. Here are five tips to keep in mind (for the former) as you venture into the shark-filled waters of online dating, framed around mistakes I see guys make far too often.
1. Don’t Overuse Selfies
A profile full of selfies may imply one of three things: you’re narcissistic, you don’t have friends, and/or you’re ugly in real life.
Your face card is, of course, one of the most important elements of a dating profile, but that’s not everything people want to see. Select photos of you with friends and family members or engaging in activities like sports, painting, or travel that will also provide insight into your hobbies and interests. These will resonate much more than dated Kim Kardashian-esque duck face photos that are and will continue to be low-key cringe.
RELATED: The Best Dating Profile Pictures
Selfies also tell the world that you may only look good in photos when you’re in control of the camera, filters, and editing.
And while I wish I could perpetuate the lie that beauty only comes from within, physical attraction will always play a significant role in finding a romantic interest (no matter what Love Is Blind tells you), and you don’t want to be misleading.
2. Don’t Be One-Note
An extension of tip number one is to vary the types of photos that you post. For example, you shouldn’t rely on too many shirtless mirror selfies to garner interest.
RELATED: Common Online Dating Mistakes
It is OK to take pride in your body and show that physical health is a priority, but you can also make this less obvious and intimidating with a casual beach photo. Versatility also applies to your facial expressions, outfits, and backgrounds. A smoldering look can go far, but always supplement it with a photo of a smile.
3. Don’t Use Superlatives
This may apply mostly to Grindr users but I have seen guys actually post screenshots of compliments that people have given them, as if they’re providing letters of recommendation in advance.
Nobody needs to see a text exchange of somebody saying “great first date” or “good kisser” — that is a ginormous red flag. There is a reason why they’re not with this complimentary person, so what is the point of showing off what was once said about them? It’s just plain weird.
4. Don’t Be Overtly Sexual
While I understand that sexual compatibility plays a major role in the lives of many gay men, I simply can’t rationalize why anyone would want to lead with whether or not they are a top, bottom, or everything in between. This gives the impression that sex is the most important part of the relationship that you’re seeking.
RELATED: What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Guys About Getting Kinky
The same applies to overtly sexual photos of bulges and bare cheeks. Grindr, Scruff, and Sniffies exist for a reason. Put your horniness on stand-by and show that you’re more than just a dick, ass, and preferred position.
Chemistry is chemistry and you could potentially prevent yourself from meeting someone amazing by either sending the wrong signals or having non-negotiables in the bedroom. What ever happened to the excitement of what could take place after a successful first date? A little mystery is always fun to explore.
Plus, many people are willing to become a bit more “versatile” for the right person. These are conversations for the future. Enjoy the moment and try not to draw too many hard lines in the sand.
5. Don’t Second-Guess Your Responses
You want someone to like you for you. If you overthink responses to dating profile questions and try to sound more interesting or funny, this isn’t fair to you or the person on the receiving end.
It sounds cliché to say this, but be yourself. And not just yourself, your best self. Ask friends and family members to share what they appreciate most about you and find a way to translate this via text or photos (i.e. if you’re funny, throw in some wit and sarcasm. If you’re shy, be upfront about it with a personal anecdote).
While a little secrecy can be intriguing, people also have very little time and patience and want to get a sense of what they’re signing up for. Don’t feel the need to impress or be anything other than your most authentic self.
You Might Also Dig:
How to Make a Profile for a Gay Online Dating AppCommon Questions About Gay Guys, AnsweredWhy Do Gay Men Care So Much About Their Appearance?