Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com).
The Question
“I downloaded Grindr and was shocked to see the number of profiles captioned with ‘gen’ or ‘in search of gen.’ This implies ‘generous,’ of course, and hints towards a sugar daddy relationship. How does this arrangement usually happen? I want to know everything about the subculture and if it’s something that may appeal to me as a wealthier older gentleman.” – Aaron, Chicago, IL
The Answer
As single gay men, we often joke about giving up on love and resorting to a sugar daddy arrangement to financially support our lives.
After all, the idea of being showered with Louis Vuitton Damier duffle bags, private jet charters, and oceanside vacations in exchange for a romp in the sheets seems like an easy enough lift. But for many gays, this “joke” is a reality.
The fact of the matter is that some men are attracted to those who are older, wealthy, and wanting to spoil. And there are older, wealthy, and spoil-minded men who are happy to assume this role.
RELATED: What You Should Know About Age-Gap Dating
Sexual favors and exchanges may be a primary component, sure, but there are also deep-rooted relationships that, while obviously transactional, can last for months, years, and sometimes a lifetime.
While I personally understand the appeal (and sometimes the desperation), there isn’t enough Viagra in the world to get my dick up for someone I’m not completely attracted to… even for a Cartier love bracelet. But I do know a few friendly acquaintances who have dabbled in this lifestyle before and here are their three most common takeaways:
1. A Sugar Daddy-ship Can Be What You Make of It
Ground rules are typically established from the get-go. Sugar daddies may demand hardcore sex or simply the pleasure of a sugar baby’s company at dinner or on a trip.
Either way, expectations must be set from the start and all activities must be consensual. Bear in mind that no two circumstances are the same. There may be an emotional attachment or it may just be fun.
Sugar babies may be paid in gifts and travel or cold hard cash. No matter what, both parties must walk away feeling satisfied, just like any other relationship. It’s never a one-way street.
2. You’ll Probably Need an App
While some prospective sugar babies may find success by stumbling into a gay bar (and one that caters to an older crowd), you’re more likely to meet dudes on apps like Grindr.
RELATED: Best Online Dating Options for Gay Guys
There are, of course, websites dedicated to these types of connections (try a simple Google search), but I’ve found that many sugar daddies may harbor a bit of shame and prefer the anonymity of social media before agreeing to meet in person.
3. Be Mindful of State Laws
In some jurisdictions, a sugar daddy situation can be perceived as prostitution. It’s important to remember that some wealthy men in positions of power may prey upon younger, vulnerable, more financially-strapped boys who are reluctantly taking part to pay bills or loans.
This dynamic is not OK, downright manipulative, and many times unlawful. Should you ever feel taken advantage of, have a back-up plan set in place if either the daddy or baby refuses to end things amicably.
I don’t want to say that there is an art to this common practice, but it should go without saying that personal safety should be of the utmost importance. It should also go without saying that money doesn’t make the man.
Most of us, arguably, are attracted to the finer things in life, but it’s never worth compromising morals or values to achieve a temporary high from material things or a feeling of inclusion. That said, if Anderson Cooper were to proposition me in a way that was both financially and sexually advantageous, you will find me on all fours.
You Might Also Dig:
Here’s What to Know About Sugar Babies
Gay Sex & Dating Slang, Explained
What’s the Deal With Gay Male Escorts?
The Question
“I downloaded Grindr and was shocked to see the number of profiles captioned with ‘gen’ or ‘in search of gen.’ This implies ‘generous,’ of course, and hints towards a sugar daddy relationship. How does this arrangement usually happen? I want to know everything about the subculture and if it’s something that may appeal to me as a wealthier older gentleman.” – Aaron, Chicago, IL
The Answer
As single gay men, we often joke about giving up on love and resorting to a sugar daddy arrangement to financially support our lives.
After all, the idea of being showered with Louis Vuitton Damier duffle bags, private jet charters, and oceanside vacations in exchange for a romp in the sheets seems like an easy enough lift. But for many gays, this “joke” is a reality.
The fact of the matter is that some men are attracted to those who are older, wealthy, and wanting to spoil. And there are older, wealthy, and spoil-minded men who are happy to assume this role.
RELATED: What You Should Know About Age-Gap Dating
Sexual favors and exchanges may be a primary component, sure, but there are also deep-rooted relationships that, while obviously transactional, can last for months, years, and sometimes a lifetime.
While I personally understand the appeal (and sometimes the desperation), there isn’t enough Viagra in the world to get my dick up for someone I’m not completely attracted to… even for a Cartier love bracelet. But I do know a few friendly acquaintances who have dabbled in this lifestyle before and here are their three most common takeaways:
1. A Sugar Daddy-ship Can Be What You Make of It
Ground rules are typically established from the get-go. Sugar daddies may demand hardcore sex or simply the pleasure of a sugar baby’s company at dinner or on a trip.
Either way, expectations must be set from the start and all activities must be consensual. Bear in mind that no two circumstances are the same. There may be an emotional attachment or it may just be fun.
Sugar babies may be paid in gifts and travel or cold hard cash. No matter what, both parties must walk away feeling satisfied, just like any other relationship. It’s never a one-way street.
2. You’ll Probably Need an App
While some prospective sugar babies may find success by stumbling into a gay bar (and one that caters to an older crowd), you’re more likely to meet dudes on apps like Grindr.
RELATED: Best Online Dating Options for Gay Guys
There are, of course, websites dedicated to these types of connections (try a simple Google search), but I’ve found that many sugar daddies may harbor a bit of shame and prefer the anonymity of social media before agreeing to meet in person.
3. Be Mindful of State Laws
In some jurisdictions, a sugar daddy situation can be perceived as prostitution. It’s important to remember that some wealthy men in positions of power may prey upon younger, vulnerable, more financially-strapped boys who are reluctantly taking part to pay bills or loans.
This dynamic is not OK, downright manipulative, and many times unlawful. Should you ever feel taken advantage of, have a back-up plan set in place if either the daddy or baby refuses to end things amicably.
I don’t want to say that there is an art to this common practice, but it should go without saying that personal safety should be of the utmost importance. It should also go without saying that money doesn’t make the man.
Most of us, arguably, are attracted to the finer things in life, but it’s never worth compromising morals or values to achieve a temporary high from material things or a feeling of inclusion. That said, if Anderson Cooper were to proposition me in a way that was both financially and sexually advantageous, you will find me on all fours.
You Might Also Dig:
Here’s What to Know About Sugar Babies
Gay Sex & Dating Slang, Explained
What’s the Deal With Gay Male Escorts?