One in three American singles are stressed about the costs of going on dates — and 30% have even cut back on dating due to financial worries, according to a Savings.com study. If money is tight and you’re wondering whether to avoid dating altogether, you’re not alone.
“Young people have been hit particularly hard by the cost-of-living crisis in recent years,” according to chartered accountant, financial coach and Generation Money founder Alex King. “This is the demographic that tends to date the most. So, it’s no surprise that some people feel too financially unstable to date, especially as traditional dating expectations usually involve spending money [on] dinner, drinks and events.”
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Regardless of your age, being financially stable before potentially starting a relationship is a valid concern. On the other hand, money isn’t everything and you’d love to meet someone. So, what should you do? Here’s what experts have to say.
What to Consider If You’re Worried About Money & Dating
Being unable to afford dates can impact your self-worth.“Financial distress can cause dating to be complicated for some as it can affect one’s self-image and cause a lot of anxiety,” says LMFT Sean O’Neill.
You may feel anxious about not being able to bring anything to the table financially. You may feel restricted in terms of going out and doing things. As a man, you may also experience complicated feelings in relation to your masculinity and ability to provide.
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When finances impact your mental health, it might be worth taking a dating break.
“If you’re struggling or at least feeling financially insecure, you’re going to put a lot of pressure on yourself, which can be mentally and emotionally draining,” says Melissa Legere, LMFT, clinical director and co-founder of California Behavioral Health.
Since financial stress tends to spill over into other areas of life, it may not be the best emotional state to bring into dating.
It’s also important not to worsen your financial position by dating.
King says that avoiding dating can be a healthy short-term decision for your finances, which can then boost your emotional well-being: “Having money worries is a legitimate concern, and dating could be a distraction if you’re working on putting yourself on a better financial footing.
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So, consider both your emotional stability and the state of your wallet when deciding whether dating with money concerns is a good idea.
Tips to Keep Dating Despite Money Challenges
It’s not impossible to keep dating despite money challenges — but there are more constructive ways than others to go about it. For example, lying or going into debt isn’t a good idea. Embrace the tips below instead.
Date on a Budget
Dating on a budget doesn’t have to feel limiting. In fact, keeping things simple can allow you to focus on connection and compatibility. Lots of great date ideas don’t cost much — maybe you do a Costco run together or walk the dog. Perhaps you grab coffee and attend a free community event.
“The goal is to focus on enjoying each other’s company and building a connection — not impressing them with spending money,” says Legere.
Also, your date may end up appreciating a frugal approach — though it’s not the typical approach we picture in romantic stories, 22% of singles surveyed by Savings.com said it would be a turn-on if someone used a coupon on the first date.
Avoid Dating App Subscriptions
Spending money on dating isn’t just about activities. It can take the form of sneaky dating app subscription fees that you don’t even end up using all that much.
“Avoid locking yourself into long-term dating app subscriptions. If you want to pay for more features in dating apps, try out a short-term subscription and see if it’s actually worth it,” recommends King. Weekly or monthly subscriptions can be turned off, while paying for a year upfront may seem economical but end up being money wasted.
Lead With Honesty
When you meet someone you’re interested in, lead with honesty. You don’t have to disclose your credit score on the first date. But it’s important to set realistic expectations from the start.
“If you’re not in a place where you can afford certain things, it’s OK to say so,” says Legere, who adds that being upfront can avoid unnecessary pressure and prevent misunderstandings down the line.
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Plus, if your relationship ends up evolving into a more serious one, it’s better to build it on a healthy foundation. “Relationships are built with trust and being transparent in the early stages helps avoid conflict,” says O’Neill. “Emotional vulnerability can, in fact, enhance the relationship because when things are tough, couples can pull together.”
Be Kind to Yourself
It’s easy to beat yourself up or compare yourself to others when struggling to make ends meet. But, as O’Neill notes, your worth surpasses financial status.
“It is understandable that you may feel too self-conscious to date, and at the same time, there is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there,” adds O’Neill.
Ultimately, the decision to date when on unstable financial footing depends on your unique situation. It might not be the right move. But you are always worthy of love and connection — and it’s possible to have those things without a big bank account.
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