Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com).
The Question
“I really hit it off with a guy I matched with on Tinder. After a couple weeks of texting, he disclosed that he was a Republican. It’s not sitting well with me but I feel like I need to give him a chance because every other aspect of our communication has been great. How do I go into our first date without judgment?” – John, Fayetteville, NC
The Answer
You’re certainly a more open-minded person than me, Johnny boy. I’d have his ass on a Do Not Disturb list faster than the time I first ejaculated to Brad Pitt’s leaked nudes.
While I respect your decision to give someone different a chance, I do want you to ask yourself some very important questions.
1. Does He Seem Completely Set in His Ways?
For me, being a Republican (and especially a Trump supporter) is no longer a difference of political opinion.
It’s a complete misalignment in morals, values, and, frankly, intellect. I would never be able to wrap my head around someone who supports a party that rallies behind outspoken homophobes who literally want to eliminate the rights he currently benefits from. It’s hypocrisy at its finest.
RELATED: Xenophobia & 9 Other Serious Relationship Dealbreakers
And if he’s apathetic to politics in general, will this position of privilege and/or disinterest bother you? Is apathy codeword for ignorance? Does he truly accept himself? We all have different thresholds and it’s important to identify yours before wasting someone else’s time, no matter how wrong you may perceive his viewpoints to be.
Also, it’s not your job to change someone so that they can meet your ideals and fit a mold. You’re looking for a potential partner to not only complement your life, but also challenge and bring out the best in you. This isn’t a pet project, like Glinda singing “Popular” in Wicked. Find someone who is on your maturity and experience level when it comes to self-awareness and discovery.
2. What’s Your Long-Term Goal?
If you simply want to meet new people, then do whatever tickles your pickle. If you’re looking for a more serious relationship, then you’re already going into a very tense and awkward situation with a red hat— err, flag. That’s never a great feeling, and may be difficult to ignore as you get to know him.
RELATED: Biggest Red Flags in a Relationship, Revealed
3. How Big Is His Dick?
Kidding, of course.
It really comes down to whether you feel comfortable with the idea that he may not ever see things your (our) way. Do I believe that all Republicans are evil? Of course not. Do I think many are misinformed and the victims of Fox News brainwashing? You bet.
There are quite a few conservative-leaning people in my life who harbor no prejudices and love me unconditionally (or so I think). But I do keep them at an arm’s length and dictate the type of relationship I want to have with them. I am afforded this option because I’ve known them for literal decades. You don’t have this luxury before meeting someone for the first time.
Going into a romantic scenario with your guard up and a demand to seek control just doesn’t seem healthy. What should be a balanced exchange of conversation will be clouded by a pre-judgment that will inevitably alter how you feel about him, no matter how great he may be. And if he does seem to be fantastic, it’s likely you’ll question whether or not it’s authentic or a front to salvage the chemistry you had while texting.
Ultimately, I am never going to tell someone to not meet a person that has piqued their interest. Life is short and full of surprises. And you may have the patience I lack to interact with someone on the opposite side of the political spectrum. If so, good on you! You know yourself better than anyone.
But I simply wouldn’t be able to stop harping on this extreme contrast in core beliefs. No matter the spark, I’d rather be at home with my hand, some lotion, and a sock. He doesn’t deserve me if he supports the people who don’t support us.
RELATED: AskMen deTOX: Masculinity & Queerness
There is a huge debate regarding the paradox of tolerance and the supposed contradictory act of “not tolerating the intolerant.” Consider me someone who doesn’t feel the need to explain or justify why I choose to not associate with those who want to strip my rights vs. championing equal rights.
The LGBTQ+ community isn’t demanding special treatment — they simply want other people, especially religious zealots, to fuck off and let us live our lives authentically and at peace. You don’t see us protesting the government to shut down the churches where they can safely spew this hate and intolerance (though I do think they should pay taxes, but I digress…).
If that makes me the close-minded one who is potentially preventing myself from meeting a soulmate, it’s a risk I’m 100% willing to take. I’d rather die alone than be with someone I resent.
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The Question
“I really hit it off with a guy I matched with on Tinder. After a couple weeks of texting, he disclosed that he was a Republican. It’s not sitting well with me but I feel like I need to give him a chance because every other aspect of our communication has been great. How do I go into our first date without judgment?” – John, Fayetteville, NC
The Answer
You’re certainly a more open-minded person than me, Johnny boy. I’d have his ass on a Do Not Disturb list faster than the time I first ejaculated to Brad Pitt’s leaked nudes.
While I respect your decision to give someone different a chance, I do want you to ask yourself some very important questions.
1. Does He Seem Completely Set in His Ways?
For me, being a Republican (and especially a Trump supporter) is no longer a difference of political opinion.
It’s a complete misalignment in morals, values, and, frankly, intellect. I would never be able to wrap my head around someone who supports a party that rallies behind outspoken homophobes who literally want to eliminate the rights he currently benefits from. It’s hypocrisy at its finest.
RELATED: Xenophobia & 9 Other Serious Relationship Dealbreakers
And if he’s apathetic to politics in general, will this position of privilege and/or disinterest bother you? Is apathy codeword for ignorance? Does he truly accept himself? We all have different thresholds and it’s important to identify yours before wasting someone else’s time, no matter how wrong you may perceive his viewpoints to be.
Also, it’s not your job to change someone so that they can meet your ideals and fit a mold. You’re looking for a potential partner to not only complement your life, but also challenge and bring out the best in you. This isn’t a pet project, like Glinda singing “Popular” in Wicked. Find someone who is on your maturity and experience level when it comes to self-awareness and discovery.
2. What’s Your Long-Term Goal?
If you simply want to meet new people, then do whatever tickles your pickle. If you’re looking for a more serious relationship, then you’re already going into a very tense and awkward situation with a red hat— err, flag. That’s never a great feeling, and may be difficult to ignore as you get to know him.
RELATED: Biggest Red Flags in a Relationship, Revealed
3. How Big Is His Dick?
Kidding, of course.
It really comes down to whether you feel comfortable with the idea that he may not ever see things your (our) way. Do I believe that all Republicans are evil? Of course not. Do I think many are misinformed and the victims of Fox News brainwashing? You bet.
There are quite a few conservative-leaning people in my life who harbor no prejudices and love me unconditionally (or so I think). But I do keep them at an arm’s length and dictate the type of relationship I want to have with them. I am afforded this option because I’ve known them for literal decades. You don’t have this luxury before meeting someone for the first time.
Going into a romantic scenario with your guard up and a demand to seek control just doesn’t seem healthy. What should be a balanced exchange of conversation will be clouded by a pre-judgment that will inevitably alter how you feel about him, no matter how great he may be. And if he does seem to be fantastic, it’s likely you’ll question whether or not it’s authentic or a front to salvage the chemistry you had while texting.
Ultimately, I am never going to tell someone to not meet a person that has piqued their interest. Life is short and full of surprises. And you may have the patience I lack to interact with someone on the opposite side of the political spectrum. If so, good on you! You know yourself better than anyone.
But I simply wouldn’t be able to stop harping on this extreme contrast in core beliefs. No matter the spark, I’d rather be at home with my hand, some lotion, and a sock. He doesn’t deserve me if he supports the people who don’t support us.
RELATED: AskMen deTOX: Masculinity & Queerness
There is a huge debate regarding the paradox of tolerance and the supposed contradictory act of “not tolerating the intolerant.” Consider me someone who doesn’t feel the need to explain or justify why I choose to not associate with those who want to strip my rights vs. championing equal rights.
The LGBTQ+ community isn’t demanding special treatment — they simply want other people, especially religious zealots, to fuck off and let us live our lives authentically and at peace. You don’t see us protesting the government to shut down the churches where they can safely spew this hate and intolerance (though I do think they should pay taxes, but I digress…).
If that makes me the close-minded one who is potentially preventing myself from meeting a soulmate, it’s a risk I’m 100% willing to take. I’d rather die alone than be with someone I resent.
You Might Also Dig:
What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Men About Non-Monogamy Common Questions About Gay Guys, AnsweredWhy Do Gay Men Care So Much About Their Appearance?