Maybe you’re lucky enough to be in a great relationship with someone you love, or perhaps you’re planning for the bliss of partnered life some time in the near future.
Either way, you’ve probably decided it’s time to work on being the best possible boyfriend you can be, mostly to secure your future partner’s continuing interest and commitment, but also for the sake of your own self improvement, too.
RELATED: The Traits All Great Girlfriends Have, Revealed
But how do you go from being a bumbling, ordinary guy to the kind of dream boyfriend that people brag about? Easy… keep reading. These are the top traits of a great boyfriend:
1. You’re an Active Listener
Active listening is a skill. Poor listeners simply nod along while the other person is talking; thinking about what to say next rather than really taking in what’s being said.
Focus instead on allowing your partner to fully say their piece, whether they’re telling a small, throwaway story or delving into a deep and meaningful relationship.
RELATED: How Asking Questions Is a Dating Hack
Failing to listen to your partner is disrespectful and limits intimacy. Practice listening to your significant other without interrupting, one-upping or playing devil’s advocate, and before long you’ll be a prize BF.
2. You’re Funny (But Not Exhaustingly So)
It’s no secret that women love funny guys. Regardless of gender or sexuality, though, a shared sense of humor and ability to bond over hilarious things is a key quality in any strong relationship. A good laugh can cut through a tense moment, make you feel closer, or kick off a long-running joke that’ll be like a code word between the two of you.
However, remember that it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. It can be a drag to be partnered up with a man who considers himself a comedian but steamrolls or ignores his significant other’s jokes and witty asides.
True banter occurs when both sides riff off each other, and if you’re one of those guys who — consciously or unconsciously — subscribes to the idea that women aren’t as funny as men, your girlfriend might not love the results.
RELATED: Surprising Behaviors That Will Get You Dumped
Make room for both of you to tickle each other’s funny bones — it’ll be much more fun for both of you that way.
3. You’re Committed
Unless you’re non-monogamous, having a partner means opting out of sexual relationships with other people. Either way, commitment of some kind is the foundation of all meaningful relationships.
Even if you’re both sleeping with other people, commitment to your partner’s wellbeing (in the form of engaging in safer sex and hewing to any boundaries you’ve discussed with each other) isn’t fundamentally different from a commitment to monogamy.
RELATED: Exploring the Different Levels of Cheating
Ultimately, it’s up to you to set the parameters for what counts as a breach of trust in your relationship: for some, kissing will be crossing the line, for others, obvious, disrespectful flirting will spark a serious argument.
Be clear about the boundaries from the start, and stick to them. However, being a great boyfriend involves more than just meeting the minimal requirement of not cheating. Committed BFs factor their partners into their future plans, introduce them to their friends and family, and avoid keeping the relationship a secret (a classic sign of flakiness.)
4. You Take Care of Your Appearance
Being drop-dead gorgeous is the domain of only a select few of us, but every guy can make an effort to be well-groomed and tidily put together.
It’s pretty simple: Great boyfriends make a reasonable effort to dress well, smell good and groom their body hair in some way, shape or form. You’d expect the same from your partner, no? It doesn’t mean you have to be Adonis — just don’t be a slob.
If you’re anxious because you’re not sure how to upgrade, improve or revitalize your look, you can ask a trusted friend for advice, or even your partner your partner… or click below:
RELATED: How to Improve Your Attractiveness
5. You’re Empathetic
Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing and slurping each end of a single strand of pasta until you’re kissing each other’s marinara-stained lips.
Sometimes you or your partner will hit rough patches in your own lives, or there’ll be tensions within the relationship that calls for a solution. Empathy is a crucial gel in good relationships and a skill that all great boyfriends have mastered.
Expressing empathy doesn’t always mean you have to go into “fix everything” mode, which many men are liable to do. Often it’s better to say, “I’m so sorry that’s happening to you” or “That must be hard, I’m here for you.”
RELATED: How to Use ‘Solve Languages’ to Improve Your Relationship
6. You’re Good in Bed
Not everyone cares about sex, but unless your partner’s asexual, there’s a pretty good chance that they’ll be hoping you’ll care about their pleasure.
Especially for men who date women, being a selfish lover is an all-too-common trait, as evidenced by the existence of the “orgasm gap.”
Fortunately, being good in bed doesn’t mean having a huge dick or porn-star stamina, it simply involves open communication, open-mindedness and a commitment to your partner’s pleasure.
(Need more detail? Check out this article on how to have a better sex life.)
7. You’re Interested in Learning
Whether you’re still in school or it’s but a distant memory, learning is an important part of being a great boyfriend. For one, an interest in self-improvement is rarely unattractive, and it’ll also round you out as a person.
RELATED: Best Books About Relationships
For two, it’s not the most fun to be with someone who’s stuck in their ways, uncurious or committed to outdated ideas or values. Great BFs are out there exercising their brains, whether you’re following blogs, listening to podcasts, taking classes or just reading plain old-fashioned books.
8. You’re Giving
An important component of being a great boyfriend is being generous and helpful. But generosity isn’t solely about giving your partner gifts or spending money on them: you can be generous with your time, effort and compliments, too.
Great boyfriends make sure their partners don’t have to take care of everything, and help with relationship admin such as housework and planning dates.
RELATED: Housework Can Have a Big Impact on Your Relationship Happiness
Let the following metaphor guide you to relationship bliss: “If you’re not sure whose turn it is to take out the trash, make it your turn.” There’s a reason so many women say that men who take care of domestic responsibilities are a form of porn — it’s really hot to feel like your partner’s taking care of you rather than expecting you to do everything.
9. You Communicate Constructively
Within relationships, you’re always going to encounter difficulties where you’re both beating your head against a wall trying to understand each other.
The only way to get around this is with open, honest communication. It can be useful to frame the discussion using “I” language to avoid casting blame and to foster deeper intimacy; for example, “I felt insecure when X happened” or “I love it when you tell me Y.”
Great boyfriends see conversations with their partners as a path to mutual satisfaction and growth, rather than interactions where one side needs to win or be “right.”
RELATED: Qualities Women Look for in a Man
10. You’re Kind
Most men know that it’s a relationship basic to be kind to your boyfriend or girlfriend — it’s not rocket science.
However, great boyfriends know that it’s important to be kind to other people, too. Being rude to service workers, for instance, will count in a partner’s assessment of you. They’re likely to notice how you treat their friends and family as well as your own, because after the honeymoon phase wears off, this is the best indication of how you’ll end up treating her.
That’s all there is to it, really. No bells and whistles, no snake oil — just the same good, honest personal characteristics your mom has probably been trying to drill into you for years.
RELATED: Boyfriend Mistakes You Don’t Realize You’re Making
Put some effort into cultivating these qualities and not only will your romantic relationships improve, all your relationships will improve, and you’ll certainly qualify among the ranks of the world’s great boyfriends.
You Might Also Dig:
How to Keep a Relationship Interesting Red Flags to Watch Out for in a RelationshipHow to Handle a Relationship Argument
Either way, you’ve probably decided it’s time to work on being the best possible boyfriend you can be, mostly to secure your future partner’s continuing interest and commitment, but also for the sake of your own self improvement, too.
RELATED: The Traits All Great Girlfriends Have, Revealed
But how do you go from being a bumbling, ordinary guy to the kind of dream boyfriend that people brag about? Easy… keep reading. These are the top traits of a great boyfriend:
1. You’re an Active Listener
Active listening is a skill. Poor listeners simply nod along while the other person is talking; thinking about what to say next rather than really taking in what’s being said.
Focus instead on allowing your partner to fully say their piece, whether they’re telling a small, throwaway story or delving into a deep and meaningful relationship.
RELATED: How Asking Questions Is a Dating Hack
Failing to listen to your partner is disrespectful and limits intimacy. Practice listening to your significant other without interrupting, one-upping or playing devil’s advocate, and before long you’ll be a prize BF.
2. You’re Funny (But Not Exhaustingly So)
It’s no secret that women love funny guys. Regardless of gender or sexuality, though, a shared sense of humor and ability to bond over hilarious things is a key quality in any strong relationship. A good laugh can cut through a tense moment, make you feel closer, or kick off a long-running joke that’ll be like a code word between the two of you.
However, remember that it’s possible to have too much of a good thing. It can be a drag to be partnered up with a man who considers himself a comedian but steamrolls or ignores his significant other’s jokes and witty asides.
True banter occurs when both sides riff off each other, and if you’re one of those guys who — consciously or unconsciously — subscribes to the idea that women aren’t as funny as men, your girlfriend might not love the results.
RELATED: Surprising Behaviors That Will Get You Dumped
Make room for both of you to tickle each other’s funny bones — it’ll be much more fun for both of you that way.
3. You’re Committed
Unless you’re non-monogamous, having a partner means opting out of sexual relationships with other people. Either way, commitment of some kind is the foundation of all meaningful relationships.
Even if you’re both sleeping with other people, commitment to your partner’s wellbeing (in the form of engaging in safer sex and hewing to any boundaries you’ve discussed with each other) isn’t fundamentally different from a commitment to monogamy.
RELATED: Exploring the Different Levels of Cheating
Ultimately, it’s up to you to set the parameters for what counts as a breach of trust in your relationship: for some, kissing will be crossing the line, for others, obvious, disrespectful flirting will spark a serious argument.
Be clear about the boundaries from the start, and stick to them. However, being a great boyfriend involves more than just meeting the minimal requirement of not cheating. Committed BFs factor their partners into their future plans, introduce them to their friends and family, and avoid keeping the relationship a secret (a classic sign of flakiness.)
4. You Take Care of Your Appearance
Being drop-dead gorgeous is the domain of only a select few of us, but every guy can make an effort to be well-groomed and tidily put together.
It’s pretty simple: Great boyfriends make a reasonable effort to dress well, smell good and groom their body hair in some way, shape or form. You’d expect the same from your partner, no? It doesn’t mean you have to be Adonis — just don’t be a slob.
If you’re anxious because you’re not sure how to upgrade, improve or revitalize your look, you can ask a trusted friend for advice, or even your partner your partner… or click below:
RELATED: How to Improve Your Attractiveness
5. You’re Empathetic
Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing and slurping each end of a single strand of pasta until you’re kissing each other’s marinara-stained lips.
Sometimes you or your partner will hit rough patches in your own lives, or there’ll be tensions within the relationship that calls for a solution. Empathy is a crucial gel in good relationships and a skill that all great boyfriends have mastered.
Expressing empathy doesn’t always mean you have to go into “fix everything” mode, which many men are liable to do. Often it’s better to say, “I’m so sorry that’s happening to you” or “That must be hard, I’m here for you.”
RELATED: How to Use ‘Solve Languages’ to Improve Your Relationship
6. You’re Good in Bed
Not everyone cares about sex, but unless your partner’s asexual, there’s a pretty good chance that they’ll be hoping you’ll care about their pleasure.
Especially for men who date women, being a selfish lover is an all-too-common trait, as evidenced by the existence of the “orgasm gap.”
Fortunately, being good in bed doesn’t mean having a huge dick or porn-star stamina, it simply involves open communication, open-mindedness and a commitment to your partner’s pleasure.
(Need more detail? Check out this article on how to have a better sex life.)
7. You’re Interested in Learning
Whether you’re still in school or it’s but a distant memory, learning is an important part of being a great boyfriend. For one, an interest in self-improvement is rarely unattractive, and it’ll also round you out as a person.
RELATED: Best Books About Relationships
For two, it’s not the most fun to be with someone who’s stuck in their ways, uncurious or committed to outdated ideas or values. Great BFs are out there exercising their brains, whether you’re following blogs, listening to podcasts, taking classes or just reading plain old-fashioned books.
8. You’re Giving
An important component of being a great boyfriend is being generous and helpful. But generosity isn’t solely about giving your partner gifts or spending money on them: you can be generous with your time, effort and compliments, too.
Great boyfriends make sure their partners don’t have to take care of everything, and help with relationship admin such as housework and planning dates.
RELATED: Housework Can Have a Big Impact on Your Relationship Happiness
Let the following metaphor guide you to relationship bliss: “If you’re not sure whose turn it is to take out the trash, make it your turn.” There’s a reason so many women say that men who take care of domestic responsibilities are a form of porn — it’s really hot to feel like your partner’s taking care of you rather than expecting you to do everything.
9. You Communicate Constructively
Within relationships, you’re always going to encounter difficulties where you’re both beating your head against a wall trying to understand each other.
The only way to get around this is with open, honest communication. It can be useful to frame the discussion using “I” language to avoid casting blame and to foster deeper intimacy; for example, “I felt insecure when X happened” or “I love it when you tell me Y.”
Great boyfriends see conversations with their partners as a path to mutual satisfaction and growth, rather than interactions where one side needs to win or be “right.”
RELATED: Qualities Women Look for in a Man
10. You’re Kind
Most men know that it’s a relationship basic to be kind to your boyfriend or girlfriend — it’s not rocket science.
However, great boyfriends know that it’s important to be kind to other people, too. Being rude to service workers, for instance, will count in a partner’s assessment of you. They’re likely to notice how you treat their friends and family as well as your own, because after the honeymoon phase wears off, this is the best indication of how you’ll end up treating her.
That’s all there is to it, really. No bells and whistles, no snake oil — just the same good, honest personal characteristics your mom has probably been trying to drill into you for years.
RELATED: Boyfriend Mistakes You Don’t Realize You’re Making
Put some effort into cultivating these qualities and not only will your romantic relationships improve, all your relationships will improve, and you’ll certainly qualify among the ranks of the world’s great boyfriends.
You Might Also Dig:
How to Keep a Relationship Interesting Red Flags to Watch Out for in a RelationshipHow to Handle a Relationship Argument