Whether it ended with a goodnight kiss, a steamy first-date hookup or just a hug and a promise to do it again soon, you know that it went well and you really want to see them again… preferably soon.
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But how long should you wait to suggest a second date without appearing too eager or uninterested? Here’s what experts have to say.
Should You Ask for a Second Date Right Away or Wait?
There’s a difference between expressing interest in seeing someone again and officially making plans for a second date. You should first share your desire to see them again, either at the end of your date or the next day. While some dating tropes or old-school advice givers may have once suggested waiting three days before reaching out, times have changed. In the era of texting, DMing and FaceTiming, there’s no need to wait.
“Wait no more than 24 hours to suggest seeing each other again. And that doesn’t necessarily mean having a day and time to suggest within 24 hours. It simply means sharing that you would like to see them again,” says certified dating coach Stevie Bowen. “You can share it at the end of the first date if you’re feeling confident, or wait to suggest it in the thank-you text you send them after meeting. Either way is right.”
That way, you can find out if they’re interested in a second date before spending days thinking of a plan only to be met with disappointment if they don’t want to go out with you again. And you won’t leave your date wondering where they stand either.
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How to Suggest a Second Date Without Sounding Pushy
As Bowen notes, the point is to communicate your interest without being pushy. There are different ways to go about this.
“If you’re thinking at any time during the first date that things are going well and that you would like to explore more of who this person is, finish that date with a simple, ‘I would enjoy seeing you again soon,’” says therapist, coach and counselor John Sovec. “Don’t press for the next date, just set the groundwork and the intention.”
If you’re reaching out the next day, communicating what you genuinely appreciated about the date is warm and genuine without being over-the-top.
“Reflect on the positives of the date, such as, ‘I really enjoyed learning about your amazing taste in music’ and then be simple and succinct and let them know you would like to see them again soon,” adds Sovec.
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If they share your interest in a second date, great – you can now confidently suggest a plan or have a follow-up conversation to pick a day, time and activity together.
What If You Feel Nervous About Suggesting a Second Date?
Feeling nervous? Take a step back and assess why. Do you feel pressured to follow up quickly? Are you having second thoughts after a great first date?
“Don’t ask to see someone again because you feel like you have to or that’s dating etiquette. Allow yourself some time to process the date and gauge your interest going forward,” suggests Bowen.
Perhaps you’re a bit anxious about what it means if you suggest a second date.
Dr. Betsy Chung, clinical psychologist and relationship expert at RAW dating app, says a second date shouldn’t have much more meaning than a first one: “Just because you’re asking somebody to go out again doesn’t mean you’re asking for a relationship.”
It’s OK to keep exploring your connection, as one date isn’t enough to get to know someone and figure out whether you’re compatible.
Are you worried about their response?
It may not be what you want to hear, but accepting failure is part of the process of dating, adds Chung: “When you start to nitpick yourself because things didn’t go your way, all that does is discourage you from taking necessary risks to find your person. Trust that as long as you can respect a person’s boundaries, then you shouldn’t have to worry about appearing overeager.”
Playing it cool may seem tempting, but being true to yourself is a better choice.
“Be honest with what you’re feeling and go for it,” says Sovec. “At the same time, release any expectation or anticipation and gracefully receive whatever answer they offer. Being nervous is expected, but being authentic about feelings can go a long way toward overcoming nerves and setting the foundation for a powerful future relationship.”
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What if it’s been a week or two and you’re still thinking about them, but never followed up after your first date? Don’t let that stop you.
As Chung puts it, the goal is to “find a partner that can appreciate all parts of you, and won’t rush to negative judgment simply because of how you decided to ask for another date.”
Ultimately, it’s important not to overthink it. Dating is full of small risks, and asking for a second date is one of them. If you feel interested in seeing them again, just tell them, whether on the spot or when you contact them after your date.
If they feel the same, see where that second date takes you. If they don’t, you’ll know quickly and be able to free up energy for meeting other people.
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