Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com).
The Question
“I am exploring my bicuriosity and recently went on a few dates with a guy who I’m really starting to like. The only problem is that he recently revealed that he is an OnlyFans creator. This took me by surprise and completely changed my perception of him. Call me old-fashioned, but am I in the wrong for not being more open-minded about this? It doesn’t seem like something he wants to give up.” – Luke, Grand Rapids, MI
The Answer
You’re not old-fashioned, Luke. That word is reserved for MAGA cultists masquerading as Republicans, Quaker Oats, and a delicious whiskey-based cocktail. The word you meant to say was “self-aware.”
I’m never here to yuck someone’s yum, especially when it comes to most things that are sexual in nature. After all, there is something hot about being voyeuristic and something even hotter about being paid to be this way. But we all have our preferences, comfort levels, and limits, especially when it comes to dating and pursuing a potential love interest who makes a living on OnlyFans.
If you’re seeking monogamy and are unable to surrender to the idea that someone may do porn (either soft or hardcore) as a part- or even full-time career, that is a-OK. You must, first and foremost, always respect your own boundaries.
Of course every situation is different and, before writing off this guy entirely, I implore you to be open and honest with him and ask some important questions like: Is he able to emotionally detach from his work? What are his own rules and policies (i.e. is he getting gangbanged every week or just wanking on camera)? Does he only believe in open relationships?
This clarity will help to provide your own clarity regarding what you are or aren’t comfortable with in the long run. And, if you like the dude enough, it may just open your mind to new and exciting possibilities. I’m not saying that you’ll eventually follow suit, but some people are turned on by the idea that their partner is in adult entertainment.
With all that said, don’t pressure yourself to partake in anything that doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t make you a judgmental person — compatibility is a complex thing, which is why it can sometimes take months or even years to reach a place where two peoples’ lives completely intertwine.
It may also help to understand why some gay, bi, or pan men get into the business to begin with. Sure, it can be quite lucrative with quick cash incentivizing participation, but every case is different. While some enjoy the supplemental or primary income (though it’s never a guarantee), others simply enjoy the sex.
Then there are those who crave the attention, and others who take part begrudgingly because they feel like it’s all they have to offer the world.
No matter the reason, it’s not your job to “save” someone like the infamous memes of handsome felons behind bars. Changing a person or thing to fit a mold or satisfy a selfish demand is always a recipe for disaster.
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The Question
“I am exploring my bicuriosity and recently went on a few dates with a guy who I’m really starting to like. The only problem is that he recently revealed that he is an OnlyFans creator. This took me by surprise and completely changed my perception of him. Call me old-fashioned, but am I in the wrong for not being more open-minded about this? It doesn’t seem like something he wants to give up.” – Luke, Grand Rapids, MI
The Answer
You’re not old-fashioned, Luke. That word is reserved for MAGA cultists masquerading as Republicans, Quaker Oats, and a delicious whiskey-based cocktail. The word you meant to say was “self-aware.”
I’m never here to yuck someone’s yum, especially when it comes to most things that are sexual in nature. After all, there is something hot about being voyeuristic and something even hotter about being paid to be this way. But we all have our preferences, comfort levels, and limits, especially when it comes to dating and pursuing a potential love interest who makes a living on OnlyFans.
If you’re seeking monogamy and are unable to surrender to the idea that someone may do porn (either soft or hardcore) as a part- or even full-time career, that is a-OK. You must, first and foremost, always respect your own boundaries.
Of course every situation is different and, before writing off this guy entirely, I implore you to be open and honest with him and ask some important questions like: Is he able to emotionally detach from his work? What are his own rules and policies (i.e. is he getting gangbanged every week or just wanking on camera)? Does he only believe in open relationships?
This clarity will help to provide your own clarity regarding what you are or aren’t comfortable with in the long run. And, if you like the dude enough, it may just open your mind to new and exciting possibilities. I’m not saying that you’ll eventually follow suit, but some people are turned on by the idea that their partner is in adult entertainment.
With all that said, don’t pressure yourself to partake in anything that doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t make you a judgmental person — compatibility is a complex thing, which is why it can sometimes take months or even years to reach a place where two peoples’ lives completely intertwine.
It may also help to understand why some gay, bi, or pan men get into the business to begin with. Sure, it can be quite lucrative with quick cash incentivizing participation, but every case is different. While some enjoy the supplemental or primary income (though it’s never a guarantee), others simply enjoy the sex.
Then there are those who crave the attention, and others who take part begrudgingly because they feel like it’s all they have to offer the world.
No matter the reason, it’s not your job to “save” someone like the infamous memes of handsome felons behind bars. Changing a person or thing to fit a mold or satisfy a selfish demand is always a recipe for disaster.
You Might Also Dig:
This Is What Porn Stars’ Dating Lives Are Really LikeBonnie Blue, Lily Phillips & the OnlyFans Marathon Sex Stunt TrendWhat It’s Like to Be Married to a Porn Star, Revealed