This is stack dating in action. The idea is to schedule back-to-back dates, often on the same day or intertwined with errands, to maximize efficiency and take the pressure off dating.
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“Stack dating offers faster feedback and less emotional investment per date,” says psychotherapist Lisa Chen.
But is stacking dates the key to finding love or yet another recipe for dating burnout? Here’s what you need to know about the dating trend, what experts have to say about it and whether it’s the right approach for you.
What Is Stack Dating?
Stack dating, sometimes called “errand dating,” is about treating dating like any other task on your to-do list. Instead of dedicating several hours to an elaborate date and feeling all the anticipation that comes with it, you squeeze several quick dates into your existing schedule without overthinking it.
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Some singles choose to combine dates and errands, like going to IKEA or walking the dog, while others book short dates during pockets of free time. There are even people who go on multiple dates in a row in the same evening to be more efficient.
It’s not the most romantic premise, but that’s sort of the point. You can think of stack dating like “a series of back-to-back meetings, but instead of different business conversations, you’re trading awkward chatter and cocktails,” says Brie Temple, chief matchmaker at Tawkify.
The Pros and Cons of Stack Dating
Before booking five dates in a row, consider the benefits and downsides of stack dating. While some daters might thrive embracing the approach, others may feel numb or experience emotional exhaustion.
Pros of Stack Dating:
Builds positive momentum: Stack dating can help you feel like your love life is going somewhere. “You’re going from one date to the next. You stay confident, limit your emotional investment and don’t spiral after one date,” says Chen. As Temple puts it, you stay “in the zone.”Maximizes time: Stacking dates can also help make the most of the time you spend dating. “You can quickly see who you click with,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Kayla Crane. “My [clients], a couple who met via stack dating, are both busy professionals with little time throughout the week, so stack dating was perfect for them.”Lower-pressure way of dating: In a dating culture where it’s easy to get excited about someone only to feel disappointed when you meet in person or things don’t work out, stack dating keeps expectations in check. Dates are more relaxed check-ins instead of high-stakes events.
Cons of Stack Dating:
Disengagement: It’s easy to disconnect when you can’t remember who you’re meeting or which one of your dates talked about their love of photography. “All these dates can blur together, and attraction can get flattened. Everyone starts to feel the same,” says Chen.Emotional fatigue: Meeting new people takes effort and emotional energy. Going on several dates in a row can leave you feeling emotionally drained, especially if you’re an introvert.Not for everyone: Even if you’re on board with the idea, your matches may prefer a more conventional approach and feel disappointed or even disrespected by the stack dating concept.
Is Stack Dating Right for You?
On the fence about stack dating? According to dating coach Monica Wadwa, it might be the right approach for you if you tend to fall in love fast and hard: “If you are someone with an anxious attachment style who gets obsessed with dates quickly, it can be a strategy to alleviate some of that hyper-focus on one particular person.”
That said, Temple warns that stack dating can be problematic for empathetic people. If you empathize deeply, it might leave you feeling exhausted from social interaction and less able to connect with your dates.
Stack Dating Tips
To successfully give stack dating a shot, always prioritize presence more than volume, suggests Chen. Take at least 30 minutes between dates and switch up your environment — it will help you reset and slow down even if the day is flying by, which gives chemistry a chance to blossom.
Also, resist the urge to compare dates in the moment, as it can be distracting and prevent you from giving each person a fair chance.
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Finally, do what you need to do to remember names and interesting facts about each person you meet. Take notes after a date if you have to.
“It’s a matter of basic respect and a massive help in creating a connection,” notes Temple.
The point of stack dating isn’t to go on one date after the next mindlessly, but to be present during each interaction. If you can stay intentional and open, it might help you meet the right one faster than using more conventional approaches.
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