It’s kind of crazy how the most awkward part of sex can be the moments (and morning) after. You’ve just joined your most intimate body part with a new or casual acquaintance, and somehow the silence after it’s over feels more clumsy to stumble through than any of the (hopefully many) positions you both managed to get yourselves into.
If the post-sex part of sex feels awkward to navigate, you’re not alone. Trying to figure out what to do next when the thing you both wanted to do the most is over can be tricky and potentially pretty awkward. If you’re looking for a post-coital pep talk on how to make a smooth exit, you’ve come to the right place.
RELATED: The AskMen Guide to Safer Sex
Here’s what a few real folks have to say about making the moments after sex less awkward and, dare we say, even enjoyable for you and whoever you’re sharing them with.
Don’t Leave Immediately (But Don’t Overstay, Either)
How long should you stay after sex with a casual acquaintance? While it really depends, most folks agree that instantly getting up, dressed and out the door as if the building is on fire is not a good look. “Give it a beat before you start gathering yourself up to leave — even if it’s just a hook up,” says Claire, 23. She recommends giving some kind of indication that you just enjoyed what happened — “a ‘that was fun’ goes a long way,” she adds.
If they seem into cuddling go for it, then ask what they have going on the next day, which Claire says can help you determine how long they want you to stay for. “If they go on about how jam packed their day is, it’s probably best you head out,” she says. If the action is happening at your place, you can choose to invite them to stay over (if that’s what you want), or employ the same tactic of letting them know what your morning looks like the next day.
If you’re looking for bonus points and are hoping to see them again (or just want to be a gentleman) offering to order them an Uber home will go a long way.
Make Light Conversation
If you’re someone who just can’t resist filling awkward silences with, well, anything except silence, having some light conversation starters in mind can be helpful. “I love when someone compliments my space or asks questions about any of the art I have,” says Raven, 26. Asking questions about what they may have going on that weekend or how long they’ve lived where they’re at can help build some rapport so that your eventual exit doesn’t feel super awkward or abrupt. “One time I had a guy smile at me and say, ‘Usually this is the awkward part, but I feel like we’re doing okay,’ and it was so genuine that it also put me at ease,” says Kate, 33.
Resist the Urge to Grab Your Phone
Having your phone in hand might make you feel less awkward in the moment, but you’re creating an awkward and potentially insulting environment for the person you just had sex with. “Nothing pisses me off more than hooking up with someone who has to immediately get back on their phone the minute we finish,” says Sam, 27. Lean on the conversation starters above and genuinely try to give it a beat or two before you reach for your phone. The person lying next to you will appreciate it.
Tune In to the Morning After Energy
Even a no-strings attached situation deserves some basic decency. Offer your guest some water or coffee in the morning if they’re at your place. If you’re at theirs, pay attention to any cues they’re giving about how long they may want you there. Alternatively, it’s fine to be direct when you have to go; just thank them for the hospitality and remind them that you have commitments you need to get to that morning. “I always appreciate it when someone is direct about how long they want to stay or want me to stay,” says Kayla, 30. “If the person starts talking about what plans they have that morning, that’s usually an obvious cue to get going.”
Be Clear About Your Future Intentions
A big part of the post-sex awkwardness can stem from one or both parties wondering “what this is.” Making your intentions clear after sex clears up the ambiguity. Justine, 32, says there are plenty of tactful ways to make your future intentions known. “If you’re interested in seeing them again, a simple — ‘that was fun, I’d be down to do it again sometime’ is a no-pressure way to leave the door open,” she says. “If this was a one-and-done thing, a ‘nice meeting you’ or ‘glad we crossed paths’ feels polite and gets the message across that we won’t be doing this again.”
RELATED: What Is Future Faking?
Avoiding awkward moments after sex is really about reading the room and being respectful. Treat the person you just hooked up with the way you’d want to be treated, keep things light and pay attention to cues that signal you should get going in order not to overstay your welcome. Do all of the above, and those awkward after sex moments will feel like no sweat.
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How to Turn Her OnWhat Is Kink-Shaming?The 6 Worst Things to Say After Sex
If the post-sex part of sex feels awkward to navigate, you’re not alone. Trying to figure out what to do next when the thing you both wanted to do the most is over can be tricky and potentially pretty awkward. If you’re looking for a post-coital pep talk on how to make a smooth exit, you’ve come to the right place.
RELATED: The AskMen Guide to Safer Sex
Here’s what a few real folks have to say about making the moments after sex less awkward and, dare we say, even enjoyable for you and whoever you’re sharing them with.
Don’t Leave Immediately (But Don’t Overstay, Either)
How long should you stay after sex with a casual acquaintance? While it really depends, most folks agree that instantly getting up, dressed and out the door as if the building is on fire is not a good look. “Give it a beat before you start gathering yourself up to leave — even if it’s just a hook up,” says Claire, 23. She recommends giving some kind of indication that you just enjoyed what happened — “a ‘that was fun’ goes a long way,” she adds.
If they seem into cuddling go for it, then ask what they have going on the next day, which Claire says can help you determine how long they want you to stay for. “If they go on about how jam packed their day is, it’s probably best you head out,” she says. If the action is happening at your place, you can choose to invite them to stay over (if that’s what you want), or employ the same tactic of letting them know what your morning looks like the next day.
If you’re looking for bonus points and are hoping to see them again (or just want to be a gentleman) offering to order them an Uber home will go a long way.
Make Light Conversation
If you’re someone who just can’t resist filling awkward silences with, well, anything except silence, having some light conversation starters in mind can be helpful. “I love when someone compliments my space or asks questions about any of the art I have,” says Raven, 26. Asking questions about what they may have going on that weekend or how long they’ve lived where they’re at can help build some rapport so that your eventual exit doesn’t feel super awkward or abrupt. “One time I had a guy smile at me and say, ‘Usually this is the awkward part, but I feel like we’re doing okay,’ and it was so genuine that it also put me at ease,” says Kate, 33.
Resist the Urge to Grab Your Phone
Having your phone in hand might make you feel less awkward in the moment, but you’re creating an awkward and potentially insulting environment for the person you just had sex with. “Nothing pisses me off more than hooking up with someone who has to immediately get back on their phone the minute we finish,” says Sam, 27. Lean on the conversation starters above and genuinely try to give it a beat or two before you reach for your phone. The person lying next to you will appreciate it.
Tune In to the Morning After Energy
Even a no-strings attached situation deserves some basic decency. Offer your guest some water or coffee in the morning if they’re at your place. If you’re at theirs, pay attention to any cues they’re giving about how long they may want you there. Alternatively, it’s fine to be direct when you have to go; just thank them for the hospitality and remind them that you have commitments you need to get to that morning. “I always appreciate it when someone is direct about how long they want to stay or want me to stay,” says Kayla, 30. “If the person starts talking about what plans they have that morning, that’s usually an obvious cue to get going.”
Be Clear About Your Future Intentions
A big part of the post-sex awkwardness can stem from one or both parties wondering “what this is.” Making your intentions clear after sex clears up the ambiguity. Justine, 32, says there are plenty of tactful ways to make your future intentions known. “If you’re interested in seeing them again, a simple — ‘that was fun, I’d be down to do it again sometime’ is a no-pressure way to leave the door open,” she says. “If this was a one-and-done thing, a ‘nice meeting you’ or ‘glad we crossed paths’ feels polite and gets the message across that we won’t be doing this again.”
RELATED: What Is Future Faking?
Avoiding awkward moments after sex is really about reading the room and being respectful. Treat the person you just hooked up with the way you’d want to be treated, keep things light and pay attention to cues that signal you should get going in order not to overstay your welcome. Do all of the above, and those awkward after sex moments will feel like no sweat.
You Might Also Dig:
How to Turn Her OnWhat Is Kink-Shaming?The 6 Worst Things to Say After Sex