Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com).
The Question
“I stumbled across this Reddit thread of the dumbest and weirdest questions gay men have been asked and was wondering what your take may be on some of the more popular ones.” – Gerry, Chicago, IL
The Answer
I have a love-hate relationship with Reddit. I love it because I find that most people are generally respectful and pose thought-provoking questions. I hate it because you’re also reminded of just how stupid and close-minded many people can be. (Though that’s something I also experience in person, so it’s not entirely a Reddit problem. It’s a human problem and the Internet gives people a platform to be anonymous assholes. But I digress…)
RELATED: What to Do When Your Gay Friend Has a Crush on You
This is a hilarious thread. In fact, my editor flagged one of the questions (“who is the lion and who is the tiger? )“ as part of its “compendium of wildness,” which made me giggle. Thank you for bringing it to our attention and, without further ado, here are answers (as if I’m being asked directly) to those that received the most upvotes and were most appealing.
Q: Why have you never hit on me?
The same reason why you don’t hit on every woman. People have types. Just because you have a dick doesn’t mean I want something to do with it. Gay men aren’t all sexual deviants whose orifices need to be filled 24/7. We function entirely like hetero counterparts, but with better tastes in fashion and interior design (sometimes…the circuit party mesh tank top/pearl necklace/cut-off denim shorts look is certainly a choice).
RELATED: Exploring the Myth That Gay Men Are Hypersexual
Q: Do you like to go out on date nights?
Shockingly, homo and hetero couples can partake in many of the same activities. It’s like we’re also human or something.
Q: Will you be my gay best friend?
This may seem like an innocent question, but gay people, no matter how often they present as precocious chihuahuas, are not pets or accessories. There is more that defines them than sexuality, and no two gays are the same.
We have Hollywood to blame for perpetuating the bitchy gay bestie stereotype. And while gays like this exist are certainly entertaining to keep around, it’s better to not assume that we all exist like this. Would you ever go up to a Black person and say “will you be my Black best friend?” Of course not. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely good people, not because they tick off a box.
Q: Who’s the woman in the relationship?
Tsk, effin’, tsk. What you likely mean is “who is on the receiving end of anal sex?” And even that answer can be complicated for gay men who identify as versatile, sides, or asexual.
Let’s shelve the gender norms and stereotypes by assuming somebody must play a more submissive role in a relationship. While some couples operate best this way (in a more traditional sense, I suppose), it’s not a hard and fast rule for everyone. It’s also a bit misogynistic, no? There are many women who wear the pants in modern relationships and their husbands would be absolutely lost without them.
Q: Since you’re gay, do you know where to get weed?
Drug culture may be rampant among sectors of the community, but it doesn’t mean all of us have a dealer on speed dial. Also, most states have legalized marijuana so, um, go into a store and buy it yourself?
Q: Were you molested?
Sexuality is not the result of abuse. Most, if not all gay men would argue that being gay was never a choice. To imply otherwise is straight-up offensive, not only to gay men but victims of assault. If you still think being gay is a mental disorder, I advise you to read the thousands of pages of literature proposed by the world’s top psychiatrists that show how homosexuality is completely normal. Or simply take your head out of your ass and befriend a gay person who can explain it to you like you’re 7 years old.
Q: How do you sleep knowing that you’re going to hell forever?
Soundly with an indica gummy and the ASMR of Suzie’s Nail Career Education YouTube channel in the background. How do you sleep knowing that the Bible clearly states thou shalt not judge and you’ll also be joining us (if Hell even exists) in an oversized jacuzzi with a flaming hot trident up your butt? There are nearly 10,000 religions in the world, one no better than the other. Take your self-righteousness elsewhere because many of us spent years suffering from your constant judgment.
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What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Men About Getting Kinky
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What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Men About Non-Monogamy
The Question
“I stumbled across this Reddit thread of the dumbest and weirdest questions gay men have been asked and was wondering what your take may be on some of the more popular ones.” – Gerry, Chicago, IL
The Answer
I have a love-hate relationship with Reddit. I love it because I find that most people are generally respectful and pose thought-provoking questions. I hate it because you’re also reminded of just how stupid and close-minded many people can be. (Though that’s something I also experience in person, so it’s not entirely a Reddit problem. It’s a human problem and the Internet gives people a platform to be anonymous assholes. But I digress…)
RELATED: What to Do When Your Gay Friend Has a Crush on You
This is a hilarious thread. In fact, my editor flagged one of the questions (“who is the lion and who is the tiger? )“ as part of its “compendium of wildness,” which made me giggle. Thank you for bringing it to our attention and, without further ado, here are answers (as if I’m being asked directly) to those that received the most upvotes and were most appealing.
Q: Why have you never hit on me?
The same reason why you don’t hit on every woman. People have types. Just because you have a dick doesn’t mean I want something to do with it. Gay men aren’t all sexual deviants whose orifices need to be filled 24/7. We function entirely like hetero counterparts, but with better tastes in fashion and interior design (sometimes…the circuit party mesh tank top/pearl necklace/cut-off denim shorts look is certainly a choice).
RELATED: Exploring the Myth That Gay Men Are Hypersexual
Q: Do you like to go out on date nights?
Shockingly, homo and hetero couples can partake in many of the same activities. It’s like we’re also human or something.
Q: Will you be my gay best friend?
This may seem like an innocent question, but gay people, no matter how often they present as precocious chihuahuas, are not pets or accessories. There is more that defines them than sexuality, and no two gays are the same.
We have Hollywood to blame for perpetuating the bitchy gay bestie stereotype. And while gays like this exist are certainly entertaining to keep around, it’s better to not assume that we all exist like this. Would you ever go up to a Black person and say “will you be my Black best friend?” Of course not. Surround yourself with people who are genuinely good people, not because they tick off a box.
Q: Who’s the woman in the relationship?
Tsk, effin’, tsk. What you likely mean is “who is on the receiving end of anal sex?” And even that answer can be complicated for gay men who identify as versatile, sides, or asexual.
Let’s shelve the gender norms and stereotypes by assuming somebody must play a more submissive role in a relationship. While some couples operate best this way (in a more traditional sense, I suppose), it’s not a hard and fast rule for everyone. It’s also a bit misogynistic, no? There are many women who wear the pants in modern relationships and their husbands would be absolutely lost without them.
Q: Since you’re gay, do you know where to get weed?
Drug culture may be rampant among sectors of the community, but it doesn’t mean all of us have a dealer on speed dial. Also, most states have legalized marijuana so, um, go into a store and buy it yourself?
Q: Were you molested?
Sexuality is not the result of abuse. Most, if not all gay men would argue that being gay was never a choice. To imply otherwise is straight-up offensive, not only to gay men but victims of assault. If you still think being gay is a mental disorder, I advise you to read the thousands of pages of literature proposed by the world’s top psychiatrists that show how homosexuality is completely normal. Or simply take your head out of your ass and befriend a gay person who can explain it to you like you’re 7 years old.
Q: How do you sleep knowing that you’re going to hell forever?
Soundly with an indica gummy and the ASMR of Suzie’s Nail Career Education YouTube channel in the background. How do you sleep knowing that the Bible clearly states thou shalt not judge and you’ll also be joining us (if Hell even exists) in an oversized jacuzzi with a flaming hot trident up your butt? There are nearly 10,000 religions in the world, one no better than the other. Take your self-righteousness elsewhere because many of us spent years suffering from your constant judgment.
You Might Also Dig:
What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Men About Getting Kinky
Why Are So Many Gay Men in Throuples?
What Gay Guys Could Teach Straight Men About Non-Monogamy