The next thing you know, you’ve been banned.
Maybe you receive a notification letting you know that you violated the dating app’s terms of service. Perhaps your conversations and contacts are missing. What happened?
“There are common reasons [for bans] in all apps such as scamming, spamming, or content selling or social accounts promotion,” according to Dr. Marisa T. Cohen, marriage and family therapist and dating and relationship expert at Hily. Harassment, abusive language, discrimination and unsolicited explicit photos are also on the list.
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But while certain behaviors are obvious reasons for getting booted, others are more subtle. From asking the wrong questions to copy-pasting template openers, here are six moves that could put your profile at risk.
Things That Can Get You Banned From Dating Apps
1. Asking Intrusive Questions
“The first common behavior that gets men banned from dating apps is the way they behave when they ask an inappropriate question and get a response that is understandably defensive,” says Angelika Koch, relationship expert at LGBTQIA+ dating app Taimi.
It’s one thing to ask about someone’s hobbies in an attempt to break the ice, but diving straight into personal territory can make others uncomfortable — and if you make someone uncomfortable enough to report your profile, possibly get you banned, too.
Asking a match why their last relationship ended may not go over so well, for instance. And questions like “how much do you weigh” or “how many people have you slept with” are invasive and rude too.
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2. Being Too Sexually Forward
Being overly sexually forward is problematic, even on apps where consensual NSFW content is OK. Flirting isn’t an invitation to start sexting, says Koch, who adds that moving the conversation in a sexual way just because a woman is being flirtatious is a common behavior that gets men reported on dating apps.
Always err on the side of caution, and if your main goal is to send risqué messages, consider a different platform — there exist sexting-specific apps for just that purpose, for instance.
3. Sending Template Messages
While sending an explicit photo will get you reported real fast, other behaviors take more time to be detected because they are linked with communication between users, according to Cohen.
Copy-pasting template messages to a bunch of women is one of them, especially if there aren’t a lot of replies in your inbox.
“This indicates that [you] are simply going down the list of matches and not actually engaging in conversation, so [you] may not be using the dating app for its intended purpose,” says Cohen.
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If this pattern emerges, you might find yourself banned for spamming. Crafting a personalized message takes more effort, but it goes a long way if you’re after real conversations.
4. Name-Calling and Negging
The way you react in the face of rejection can also get you kicked off an app. Yes, it stings when a woman you were interested in tells you that she doesn’t feel the same.
But it’s not an excuse to call her names, says Koch. Saying something like “whatever, you’re not even that attractive” can get you removed from an app.
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Negging is a more subtle form of verbal abuse that can also get you booted, adds Koch. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, it’s a tactic made popular in pickup artist communities.
It involves subtly insulting or undermining a woman based on the belief that lowering her self-confidence will make her more receptive. If back-handed compliments are your thing, don’t be surprised if you get unmatched – and banned.
5. Ignoring Boundaries
Safe spaces are important while dating online, and a big part of creating them is respecting boundaries. If someone is uneasy with certain things, respect their stance. Pushing too hard can make people feel unsafe and lead them to report you.
Not sure what that looks like in practice? Acting annoyed when a woman decides she is uncomfortable meeting you at your place or in a private location for a first date is one example, according to Koch.
Pushing for a meetup too soon, repeatedly sending messages after being left on read and asking for personal contact information are other signs you may not be mindful of boundaries.
6. Creating Several Profiles
Dating apps track data like device IDs, and playing a numbers game with multiple profiles can get you on their radar.
Casting a wide net by creating different accounts with different preferences and locations may seem like a good idea, but it’s often against the rules and can lead to a ban, according to Cohen. You’re better off writing an outstanding online dating profile that reflects who you truly are instead.
Tips to Avoid Dating App Bans
Some behaviors are inexcusable. Others may not stem from bad intentions but still go against dating app guidelines. The following tips can not only help you avoid bans, but also maximize your chances of success.
Approach Conversations as You Would IRL
The first rule of thumb is to imagine whether you would be acting the same way face-to-face. Just because you’re behind a screen doesn’t mean that different standards apply when it comes to politeness.
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Personalize Your Messages
Prioritize authenticity over efficiency. Take the time to send a personalized, genuine message to each match.
“Read the profile fully to get a sense of who the person that you’re connecting with is and comment about something that piques your interests,” recommends Cohen.
Respect Boundaries
Respecting boundaries is paramount. If someone isn’t comfortable with a question or suggestion, back off. If the app allows sexually suggestive talk, make sure that you have consent.
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Don’t Get Defensive
If you get rejected, take it in stride and move on. Stay respectful.There are plenty of other potential matches waiting.
Follow Community Guidelines
Different apps have different rules. Read them to avoid unintentionally violating them. The insights above should help you navigate common guidelines, but if you do get banned, take it as an opportunity for self-reflection.
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